Step Two
by Brynn MacKenzie
Summary: Katie finds out something upsetting, and starts a ten step process to recovery...but what's step two? K  for mature themes.
1. I Call Shennanigans!

Photographs littered the walls of the production studio, photographs of her brothers. Katie Knight had grown to be rather successful in the arts. While her brothers chose singing, she chose to capitalize on a more realistic endeavor. The entertainment industry never really faltered when it came to big hits. Music would die out, but actors never got old. She lived in southern California, near Anaheim, and worked closer to Hollywood. The drive was killer, but it didn't bother her.

She sat in the auditorium, her long brown locks cascading over her shoulders as she watched people audition for a part in her commercial. Though she owned the company, she produced films and directed as well. Casting wasn't really her job, but she still sat in during the calls to see what kind of fresh new talent they would find. "Read lines three and six, please." The younger woman announced beside her.

The young brunette sat on the stage, paging through the script. Her voice cracked on the first word. "Why do you always ask me when you know the answer is going to be the same?" The girl waited for the casting manager's nod before continuing. "You don't understand, we'll never be in love again."

Katie's phone rang and she looked to the casting manager with a slight smile. "Sorry, Jane, I'll be back in a little bit." Jane offered a shy nod and continued. Somewhere in the background, Katie could hear w_hat's your name and number? We'll call you if we need any extras. _Katie picked up the cell phone and smiled. "Hey, big brother, what's up?"

"Where you at? We were in town and wondering if you wanted to spend some time with the gang for old time sake." Kendall asked, listening to their new single blare through the radio. Even after ten years, they were still putting out songs. The name had been changed from Big Time Rush to simply BTR to appeal to the older crowds, but they were still amazing as always. She heard Carlos scream _tell Katie I said hi!_ And Kendall paused his speech. "Carlos says hi."

"I heard," Katie murmured, listening to the playful banter in the background. "Are you on the bus?"

"Yeah, we're on our way to Disney, it's our second to last stop on the tour. I thought I'd drop by and visit since I'd be right in your backyard." Kendall replied.

She heard a loud thud and someone fumbling with the phone. "Umm…Kendall?"

"Hi, Katie!" This time it was James shouting through the phone. "We're famous!" Quite obviously they were drunk, since James was already well aware that she knew. "And we're going to be playing opening night at the Hard Rock Café!" Somewhere in the background she could hear Logan shouting _No we're not! Kelly hasn't even confirmed that yet! _Katie also noticed him put his hand over the line because it got muffled, followed by James' terse response to Logan. _Uh, yeah, we are. We're BTR and we're awesome. How could they say no to us?_

"I see the fame machine hasn't completely changed your frame of mind. Still dreaming of marrying Nichole Scherzinger?" Katie asked, waiting for his reply. "How's the house hunt going?"

"Eh, I dated her for a while. She's not really much fun. I was told that I'm the reason she wrote the song _I Don't Need A Man_…I could be wrong though. House hunt, not so bad, actually. At least I know my houses won't leave me." James seemed slightly distraught over that, but she didn't question it. "You should come chill with us at Disney. Jo misses you. She asks about you all the time." He froze when he heard _don't forget me! _"And Camille."

"I heard Camille and Logan finally got married. Tell her I said congrats." Katie looked at her watch, and then turned to look in the entrance to see what number they were on for auditions. Two-Hundred-Three of Five Hundred. It was going to be a long night.

"She says thanks." This time it was Carlos on the phone, babbling on like an idiot. She could barely make out his words. "Your birthday is on the last day of our tour! Why not come out and see us?"

"I was hoping you would forget my birthday," Katie grumbled. "Every year it's the same thing, and I really don't want you guys to embarrass me."

"You need to stop being such a sourpuss, Katie. We're trying to make your life a little cheerier. You're always so depressing." She knew Carlos was frowning right now, and that he was genuinely upset by her remark. It was hard to not tell by his voice. "You're going to be there. We'll come kidnap you if we have to."

She thought of a time when they had come to kidnap her. When she was sixteen years old, a very annoyed James broke into her room and dragged her kicking and screaming because she wouldn't get over a bad breakup. He told her it would get better, and it slowly did. Kendall threw her in the pool and they played tag all night…even though the boys were in their 20's, they still had that innocence to them. And now, at twenty six, here was Carlos threatening to kidnap her. "Please don't. You'll have a hell of a time getting to Japan."

That's when it all fell together for her. She heard dialing. Someone was on speakerphone, but it was hard to tell since Gustavo was always yelling. "What do you want?"

"Can you book us a tour to Japan? We haven't been there yet, and our fans are in dire need of cheering up." Logan knew that Gustavo and Kelly never kept up with the news, so he came up with some BS excuse. "There was a…volcanic eruption, and they're in an economic downturn and need some…cheering up."

Katie face palmed when she heard Logan's story. Though he sounded completely believable, she didn't feel like arguing. She just hung up the phone and acted as if she never spoke to them to begin with. She turned on her heel and made it passed row 6B before she heard her phone ring again. The ringtone was "Misery Business" by Paramour, which she'd dedicated to James. Picking up the line she smiled. "Are you done plotting to kidnap me?"

"Sure. For now. But we'll find you. Even if you're halfway around the world and we're just a day behind." James murmured, hiccupping.

"That was hot, do it again." She knew he was confused, but he hiccupped again, and she began her fit of giggles. "I don't think I can be there in time. It's going to be tough trying to balance everything out, but I'll do what I can." She paused just before he hung up. "By the way, was that meant to be a reference to _Belgium_ by _Bowling for Soup_? I thought you guys hated Belgium?"

"No. Gustavo hates Belgium. Frankly, I love their waffles." James replied, hanging up the phone.

Katie was still giggling when she sat beside her casting director. "Any good propositions?" She inquired, staring up at a very muscular boy with abs like she'd never seen before. "You're hot, but can you act? Read lines ten and twelve."

The boy looked at the lines, paging through until he found the ones she asked. "He walked through the door and smiled to his friend."

"You don't read the..." She shook her head and waved a hand to dismiss him. "Next!"

**One Week Later**

Japan was a bustling city; one that the boys weren't really used to. They managed to book one single concert because it was the only thing available for them on such short notice. Especially since their tour was ending on November Thirteenth. "So, this is what the world of fashion looks like." Carlos murmured.

"That's Paris…Milan to be exact." Logan retorted, leaning on Carlos as they stared out the window. "This is the world of medical advancements."

"Wasn't Milan in that one Disney movie? She was Japanese." Carlos murmured, looking to Logan.

Logan stared at Carlos as if he hadn't seriously just said what he did. "No…that was…yeah, never mind. So, we're looking for Katie?"

James threw a hand in the air. "I know where she is!" The trio looked at the pretty boy with a raised brow. "Oh, I should have told you she was holding auditions for a 'Cuda ad, huh?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and dragged James along, the rest of the boys following. "One day you'll stop using hairspray that kills the environment. Think about how much harder you make it to breathe when you use that stuff."

"It makes you look like a rejected character from Veggie Tales," Carlos mumbled, looking over when James gave him an odd look. "How come you never see carrots in Veggie Tales? You see fruit…and they're not veggies."

"Carlos," The other three band members shouted. "Kindly _shut up_!"

"I was just pointing out a fact!" Carlos ducked to dodge a fan girl diving at his face. He turned just in time to see rabid fan girls coming after them. "I think now would be a good time to _run_!"

"You know, normally I wouldn't be inclined to agree with Carlos, but he's right. We should definitely start running now." Logan shouted over the throngs of screaming girls. Somewhere in the crowd he heard _marry me, Logan_. "**I'm already married**!" he shouted to whoever had said it. Those girls had fallen behind, but the epic James, Carlos, and Kendall fans kept coming.

Kendall was at the head of this insane crowd, looking for anywhere to hide. The fans were too obsessed to let them just run into an alley. It was like they had bloodhounds that knew the smell. Then it occurred to Kendall how they kept finding them so easily. "This is _your _fault!" He shouted at James.

"I _know _I'm devilishly _handsome_, but I highly doubt that it's _my _fault!" James shouted back, turning a corner.

"They can smell the massive amounts of spray in your hair! They can smell the tanning spray you use! James, I blame you! This madness is insane!" Carlos shouted, putting his helmet on for good measure. "They'll find us. No matter where we go!"

James stopped when he saw a door, throwing it open and daring inside. When the other three were successfully inside, he locked the door and took a deep breath. When he looked up, his smile was bright and increasingly brighter. "Look, we found Katie."

"Let's just chalk that one up to cosmic irony and dumb luck," Logan mumbled and took a seat in the back row. The rest of them did the same, remembering doing this very thing at James' audition for BTR. "Anyone else seeing flashbacks of 2009 here?"

"Shh!" Kendall shouted, watching the two actors on the stage. They were testing to see if the leads were any good before re-casting. Kendall smiled when he saw his baby sister. She looked weak, probably because she wasn't eating as much. Her dream was to be successful, and she was determined to do whatever it took. "Look…isn't that Minako Kotoko?"

"The famous Japanese actress? Of course it is. You're in Japan." Logan paused and listened. "Did Katie happen to say how long she was going to be in Japan for?"

"Three days," James replied. "I wish I had been cast as lead…I would love to kiss that girl right there."

"That _girl _is out of your _league_," Kendall admonished, slinking up a few rows to hear better.

"Listen, babe, I get that you think you're all that and all, but can you let me do my own thing?" The male lead asked Katie, smiling a devilishly handsome smile.

"Listen, sugar abs. I've only ever fallen for one smile, and yours isn't it. You might want to consider finding a new job in modeling. Obviously acting isn't your forte." Katie looked down the list of names they considered for the lead and sighed. "Anyone know where this…JD guy is?"

"Well, we umm, we got his audition over the phone, so I don't know if you'll like it." Jane answered, looking up at her. "He said that he was a great actor, and he wouldn't let you down. I liked him. He said he'd be here shortly."

Carlos, Logan, and Kendall all turned to glare at James, shoving him down to the floor so they could talk. "So it _wasn't _cosmic irony, it was James' need to be in a Cuda ad"

"I can't help it! Show business beckons me! If Lindsay Lohan can do it, so can I!" James whispered eagerly to the group. "Come on, it will be just like when we got into BTR…except I doubt you'd be singing to your sister. Please?"

"It would keep us around Katie longer…and we have missed her evil ways. By the way, Lindsay Lohan…not your shining example." Logan sighed and looked to the other two. "Should we let the moose loose?"

Kendall sighed and hung his head. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt anything. Besides, Katie would probably find it hysterical. James is always pulling things like this. Give him a shot."

James hopped to his feet and ran towards the stage in a band-like entrance. "Heyyy Katie, what's the haps?"

Katie face palmed again and rolled her eyes. "You can't possibly be serious. James? James Diamond?"

"In the flesh. Come on, you know how much I love the Cuda products. You got me in with them before, why can't I be in with you this time? You were the best supervisor I ever had!" He got on his knees and begged. "Please, Katie. I would kill to be in this ad."

"I can't give you preferential treatment because you're my brother's friend." She let out a soft sigh. "I guess I can give you a shot, though. But just one, okay? It's a shot in the dark."

"Did you mean to reference one of our songs, or was that purely coincidental?" James inquired, looking towards Minako and flipping his hair. "Hey, aren't you just a beautiful piece of eye candy."

"She can speak English, you know." Katie shouted, laughing slightly at his manly ways. When James got backhanded, her smile widened. She'd always wondered if a girl hit him. Minako reared back to hit him again, but Katie stopped her. "Not his face, that's how he makes his money."

"He can still sing if he's not handsome," Kendall shouted. "Hey little sis."

"Wait!" Minako shouted, looking to Katie. "You know the band Big Time Rush? I've been following their success since I was only sixteen!"

"This is my little sister, Katie." Kendall smiled and threw his arm around Katie's shoulders. "She got tall…and…skinny."

"I'll explain later," Katie mumbled. "Can we get on with this shoot? I really want to go home and get some sleep."

* * *

The shoot went almost without a hitch. There were several occasions where James tried to kiss the female lead, but otherwise, it was alright. It was a Japanese ad, set to air in two weeks. She couldn't wait to see it. It would be her first time making James a successful model. They were back at her hotel room, preparing for the concert the next night. She sat on the couch and watched them go through the choreography for their concert. "So, still a dance craze sensation, I suppose?" Katie murmured, sipping a Chai tea.

"Always. You know that our job entails dancing, singing, and looking pretty. Especially looking pretty." James commented, looking over to Kendall. Kendall seemed to be staring intently at his sister, as if something was terribly wrong with her. "Hey, Kendall, your sister asked you a question."

"Did she?" Kendall asked, sitting beside her. "What's up, sis?"

"I was just wondering why I had to hear about your marriage from a tabloid." She frowned and folded her arms. "What happened to telling each other everything?"

"We got caught up in the American Dream, and your phone was shut off for two weeks. Actually, I'm convinced you only ever answered it for James." Kendall glared at the pretty boy, and then took a sip of Katie's tea. "This is really good, what is it?"

"Chai tea. I got into it when I got to Belgium." The snicker crossed her face briefly before she started coughing. She noticed that each of them took a step forward, but she held up a hand. "Just a cold. Sorry, the traveling wears at my body like you wouldn't believe."

"That's why you have to drink orange juice every morning!" Carlos shouted enthusiastically. He turned to Logan to see if he said the right thing, but Logan only shook his head. "Damnit! Again!"

"Just stop trying, Carlos. It's a lost cause." Logan murmured, sitting on the edge of Katie's wooden coffee table. "It sounded really bad; you should get it checked out."

"I did. I'm waiting on the test results. They're faxing them to my flat back home. Which reminds me, can you pick them up for me, Kendall? I'll leave you with the spare key. You'll be back before I am."

"Of course." He smiled and ruffled her hair, then sighed. "Guess we should get some sleep since our concert is tomorrow. Gustavo will kill us if we don't at least try to wow the fans." He kissed her forehead and smiled. "Goodnight, Katie."

"Goodnight, Kendall. Goodnight everyone else."

* * *

The night passed rather quickly. Katie didn't waste much time getting ready. She ran a hand through her tangled mess of hair and nonchalantly regarded a passed out Kendall on the couch. Of course they would crash at her place. Why bother going to their hotel when she had a perfectly good room right here? It looked like they had a wild party after she went to sleep. Carlos was passed out against the kitchen counter, cheese puffs scattered all over his face and the countertop. He also had streaks of bright orange down his face and shirt; which she could trace back and deduce was James' fault. James' hands were covered in neon orange cheesiness. He was passed out in the bathtub, where apparently one of the other boys tried to wake him from his drunkenness. She also noted that Logan had sharpie drawn all over his face, which meant only one thing – he must have been the first to fall asleep. She snickered wildly and went to wake the soaked James first so she could get a shower.

Leaning in the doorway, she stared at the mess of what used to be her idol. He had orange streaks through his hair where either he'd tried to fix it himself, Carlos got him in one hell of a grip, or he mistook his tanning spray for hairspray. She couldn't quite tell. Either way, he pulled off orange a lot better than brown. It was like dealing with children. Katie wasn't sure what to do with them. Kendall was usually the more reserved one, but quicker to get angry. It seemed like last night he told them to do whatever and have a free-for-all in her hotel room.

"Mr. Man-tan," She poked at him with a toe. If the water hadn't woke him up, one could assume it wouldn't now. Unless he was that jetlagged from the sudden flight they had to make to get here. "Carrot top?"

He still didn't wake to either of the names. She sighed and gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. "Hottie on the floor!"

James sprang into action and looked around for the said hottie. "Where?"

"Well, it certainly isn't you. You've got hair to match your awesome man tan." She paused and became serious after snickering for thirty seconds. "No, but seriously, you look like a douche. I'd wash it off." She stared at the tub, where streaks of orange were scattered about. Evidently it was a combination of the cheese puffs and spray. "That couldn't have been comfortable."

He rubbed his neck and looked at her for a moment. "No, it really wasn't." Staring at her carefully, he noted she was wearing a band tee-shirt, one of the ones she'd tried to sell when they first became famous, and a pair of ragged sweatpants. He smiled a little. She still looked deathly pale. "You alright, kid?"

"Okay, first off, I'm six years younger than you. You can't call me _kid_ anymore, we agreed." She coughed slightly and leaned against the wall to keep her balance. "Second, you need to get the hell out of my bathroom so I can get a shower!"

He peeked at himself in the mirror, shrieking loud enough to wake the whole room. "JESUS CHRISTMAS, KATIE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS ORANGE!"

"You didn't pick up on that epic hint when I said "man tan"? You really are slow in the morning. Just how drunk _were _you guys?" Katie inquired, digging through her bag for a toothbrush. "I know the party continued until three AM, which can't be a healthy lifestyle."

"I wasn't drunk. I was high on sugar. I blame Carlos. He won a bet, so we gave him sixty dollars, and he spent it all on pixy sticks." He smirked and laughed. "I successfully downed sixty-eight before starting to get sick. It's no worse than when he dared us to eat a hundred peeps. Can't be done, by the way."

"Noted. Now get out of my shower." She paused and blinked several times before raising a brow. "Can you at least take your clothes off so you're not dripping all over the floor? It mildews you know, and I don't have the money to pay for carpet cleaning."

"You just want an excuse to see me naked." He murmured, turning to stare at her in the mirror. She had a toothbrush in her hand, hovering over the sink so she could put the gel on it. "Don't you, Katie Baby?"

She dropped the toothbrush in the sink and turned on her heel, like a piranha. "_One _don't _ever _call me Katie Baby again, got it? _Two_, while I will admit you're handsome as all get-out, you're just not having the same effect on me, or anyone really, when your face and hair are _orange_!"

He stripped down to his boxers and stuck his tongue out at her. He could feel her staring at him. Katie always did have a crush on him. Even at 26 he still had that amazing figure. He closed the door behind him, letting his clothes lay on the floor. As he walked away, he could barely distinguish the retching sounds. "Oh, come on, I'm not _that _ugly!"

"You are when you're _orange_!" she shouted back.

James stared down at himself and noted the lack of clothing. "Hmm. Guess I should get dressed. Kendall, can you run down to the store and grab me some garb?"

Kendall rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Fine. Just back off my sister, would you? She's really stressed over work. I don't need you harassing her, too." Slipping his shoe on, he went on a mission to find his right shoe. He found it under a shelf in a totally different room. "How'd it get there?" He inquired, slipping it onto his foot. "Where's Logan?"

"Crashed in a closet." James paused and stared down at his indecency. "He fit surprisingly well…hey, we should probably get dressed, the concert is at four, and we have to practice until then. So like, hurry up and get me my clothes, would you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm on it. We should just learn to keep a spare laying around for you. You seem to lose them often enough. And why'd you tell her you weren't drunk?" Kendall asked, lazily checking Katie's fridge for orange juice.

"I wasn't drunk, I was high on life." He peered at Kendall over the fridge door. "She likes me."

"She's always liked you. You're a brother, remember?" Kendall took a deep sip of orange juice, and then nearly spit it out when realization dawned on him. "GOOD GOD, MAN! WHY ARE YOU ORANGE?" Kendall froze and put the container down. "Please, please tell me that Logan isn't carrying bongo drums with him. I swear, finding snow in Japan is going to be insanely hard."

"N-wait, is he? If he is, I totally want to borrow them." James smirked when he saw Katie come from the shower five minutes later, wrapped in nothing but a towel. When Kendall noticed him looking, he stepped in front of James' view. "What was that for? Am I not allowed to admire a good looking girl when I see one?"

Kendall pointed at the lack of clothes. "Go take a shower, your clothes will be dry when you're done." James grumbled something as he went to take a shower.

After getting dressed, Katie peered over at her brother with a smile. "He was starting to get unbearable. There's no dryer here, what should I do?"

"Do what we used to do after hockey practice. Since none of us knew how to work a dryer, sans Logan, we learned to dry clothes the way the Eskimos did." Twenty minutes later her room smelled overbearingly of Cuda Men's Products, and a little like burning ego. She was positive that with that much product on anything, it was bound to explode. She peered into the little window on the oven.

"Kendall, if you light the kitchen on fire, you're paying for it." Katie scolded, taking out the milk and making coffee.

"Trust me; we used to do this all the time when Logan was still at school. Speaking of which, we should probably try and find him. I bet he's uncomfortable in there." Kendall muttered, sipping on a glass of orange juice and laughing quietly at his sister.

"Is it sad that when I didn't see him passed out in the bath tub, or laying in the living room somewhere, I immediately checked the closet?" Katie asked quizzically. "What's he doing in the closet to begin with?"

"You know, I have no clue what happened last night. I remember a cheese puff war between Carlos and James which slowly turned into a Cuda Products war…which would explain why it smells distinctly of hairspray in here. Then I vaguely recall us dragging James to the bath tub to wash him off because he said he was _on fire_, and _not with hotness_. He gets incoherent when he's drunk." Kendall fell quiet a moment. "He told you he was high on sugar, but he was lying. We were all pretty trashed last night."

"I noticed when James started to refer to me as _Katie Baby_ and Logan called me _Kylee_. Do you guys always get drunk on a Thursday night, or is it just before a concert?" Katie asked.

"No. We found out that in first class, all drinks are free, and well…we ran with it." He shrugged when he heard Carlos groan beside them. "Hey! It _is _living! I didn't even guess."

Carlos looked up curiously, his eyes wide. "Wait, where's James and Logan? And why does it smell like…burning James in here? Oh, don't tell me he's in the oven! WHAT DID HE DO!"

Katie leaned on the counter, her chin propped on her palm. "I'm waiting for the fireworks. It should be a spectacular show when he figures it out."

"KATIE I NEED MY CLOTHES!" James shouted from the shower.

"HE'S IN THE OVEN NAKED?" Carlos ran to the oven and pressed his face to the glass, his hands raking down the side causing a screech to echo through the whole room. "I'LL SAVE YOU JAMES!"

"Carlos, what the hell?" James asked, standing in a towel beside Carlos. "Why are you on the floor in front of the oven? And where are my…ooh. My clothes are in there." He offered a smile, and then flipped his hair to the side. "Anyway…we need to get my clothes."

Katie gently shoved Carlos to the side and took James' clothes from the oven. She put them on the counter and blinked. "It was only on 250, so I doubt that it's going to be healthy to put them on you like that. You might cause permanent damage that way."

"I should probably gather the rest of the group and head off to practice now that James is dressed and ready to go." Kendall supposed, staring off into the distance. "You going to be alright here by yourself, Katie?"

"I'm not ten anymore," she paused and smirked. "And even when I was, I got in less trouble than you four did."

"She does have a point there." Carlos mumbled as he walked out the door. "Kendall, just remember to unfold Logan from the closet."

* * *

…it seems rushed. I can't figure out why. I like it, though. =) I also didn't bother with the whole concert deal because we all know how the concerts go. Nothing eventful would happen, so I left it to your imagination. =)


	2. A Song for Baby Sister

"We've been practicing for six hours straight; can't we just take a break and hang out?" Carlos asked, hoisting himself so he could sit on the edge of the stage. "I love this job as much as the next guy, but after so long, you just can't dance anymore."

"He's got a point. I'm getting a little irritated with it, too. Gustavo, can we take a break? Not even a ten minute one? Please?" Kendall pleaded, nearly on his knees. "Please?"

"You dogs need to be in shape for this last stop. These are the people who know you best; the people who knew you when you were _nothing _and the ones who went to all your first concerts. They'll be looking for you to mess up. Practice for twenty more minutes." Gustavo answered in his normal half-yelling voice.

When Gustavo left, they decided to congregate to talk instead. "Did you notice how pale Katie looked?" Kendall inquired, looking to the others in the group. "I mean, I know that her dream is to be successful, but don't you think she's pushing herself way too hard?"

"I was wondering the same thing," Logan answered. "Her eyes didn't have the same fire to them. She was very depressed looking. I could practically see her bones."

Kendall folded his arms. "It's not like her to fall into Hollywood stereotypes. She's not going to have an eating disorder." He sighed and looked to James. "She talks to you more than anyone; you've got to know something."

"I don't know anything. I was worried about her, too." He looked down for a moment, brushing his hair to the side. "She doesn't seem her normal psychotic self. She hasn't answered her phone since we left. I wonder if she's alright."

That got Kendall worried. Was something wrong with his baby sister? He took a deep breath and looked to James. "Well, we made a promise to do this concert, so we have to put our best effort forward…even if our best effort is not falling on each other. Family comes first, but the fans…at this time…are more important. They're the ones who paid to see us perform."

* * *

Katie sat in her apartment with a scrapbook, paging through the memories. She laughed when she remembered some of them, smiled for others. There were people that came and went people that were never really friends to begin with…she came to the last page and stared at the photograph. It was the same one she had as her cell phone background.

There were thousands of pictures of her with the whole group, others with her and Logan, a few with her and Carlos, millions with her and Kendall, but only one single photograph of her with James. She never understood why, but he didn't spend much time around her when she turned eighteen. She practically had to beg him to take the picture with her at graduation.

"_Please, James? Just one? I have pictures of everyone else, but I don't have any of you." Katie murmured, hoping he'd give into her whiny voice. She didn't pull that often, not unless she wanted something really badly._

"_You've been spending time around the Jennifer's," James commented, propping his elbow on her head so he could lean on her. She shoved his hand away and was met with a shy smirk. "Katie, I'll take one. But _only _one, okay? I think Kendall would kill me if I took more than that."_

_He removed his arm from her head and handed the camera to Ms. Knight. James snaked his arms around the shorter girl's neck and held her close, smiling down at her. "You're going to do great things in this world, Katie Knight. Don't ever lose sight of your dreams." He whispered when he let go after the picture was taken. "And I promise to be there whenever you need a friend. Even if it's midnight, you can call me."_

Katie had taken him up on that offer. Once, maybe twice. She knew he was always there to listen; of the four, other than Kendall, he was the only one she trusted. James was the one who listened to her when she vented about how she couldn't get her company off the ground. When she inherited one from her grandfather on her dad's side, she took it and ran with it. Though she interned for a few years first. She looked at her phone and flipped it open, staring at the picture for a long time.

"Why now?" She mumbled, staring at the results that had been faxed to her. She didn't want to lose everything just yet. She just made it to the top; to be knocked down to the bottom was her worst nightmare. She flipped the phone closed and looked out the window. "I can't tell him. He'll never forgive me."

When she thought about it, it made it seem all the more depressing. Her whole life was ruined by one little _problem_. She shook her head and picked up the papers, throwing them onto the table. Why bother? Putting her phone on the table, she walked out the door and left.

* * *

Kelly ran through the halls of the record company as fast as she could. She knew the guys would be practicing, and she really didn't want to interrupt them, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She burst through the doors of the dance studio, breathless. Logan was the first to look up and notice that Kelly wasn't smiling. "Kelly? Is something wrong?"

She walked straight passed the other three and stopped in front of Kendall. "Your mom called. She said your cell phone's been off for the last four hours."

"Yeah, I always turn it off when we're rehearsing," He whispered, looking up at Kelly. "Why?"

"Katie's missing. She was supposed to come meet her for lunch. Your mom said it's been six hours and no one has heard from her. She's not picking up the phone at her office, house, or cell…her assistant said that she never showed up at the office today." Kelly watched the color fade from his face. "Where would she go?"

"She always answers for James…try calling her." Kendall piped up, watching James fumble to find his cell phone.

James dialed the number, but the call went straight to voice mail. "She's not answering." James' brown eyes widened when he realized that something could seriously be wrong. Kendall was right; she was always in contact with him. She had even spent the night at his house once, when she was only twenty, but that was because none of the other boys were in the area, and her apartment had burned down. He stared at his phone for a long time, then dialed the numbers, and repeated the same response. "I'm going insane."

Kendall took a few steps forward, staring down James. "She stayed the night at your house two months ago. Did something happen that you didn't tell me about?"

James did the math quickly; her birthday was in November. This meant it had been roughly two months since she stayed. "I don't think so." The same thought that had crossed Kendall's mind flashed by his own. How could he assume he'd do something that horrible?

"Answer me!" Kendall shouted, taking another step. "She's just a kid!"

"Please, she's twenty one. She's _far _from a _kid_." James replied, backing off a bit. He knew how bad Kendall could get; he'd been with him on the hockey team for five years. "Look! I didn't do anything! She slept in my bed and I stayed on the couch. You're overreacting. She gave me a spare key to her apartment; I'll go check and see if she's there."

"Why do _you _have a spare key!" Kendall accused, waiting for an answer.

"You would have one, too, if you would check your mail once in a while. She sent it so we'd have a place to crash if we were ever in the area." He turned on his heel and went to run outside. "I'll be back, and I'll call you as soon as I find her, I swear."

* * *

James arrived at Katie's apartment an hour later. He used the key, but didn't bother taking it from the door. "Katie?" Taking a few steps in, he braced himself in case if she had a frying pan at the ready like her mother usually did. "Are you here?"

The apartment was nearly empty. There were papers all over the tables, books stacked neatly on shelves built into the walls. She also kept photographs of the band everywhere. Why wouldn't she? They were her life growing up. She had mostly black and white furniture, but there was a rare blue or green vase to throw the color off a bit. Otherwise, it didn't look like the Katie they knew at all.

He stopped when he saw her cell phone vibrating on the table. Kendall's number flashed on the screen. James' eyes glimpsed to read the name, but something else caught his eye first. "She did tell Kendall to come get her blood work results, didn't she?" He unfolded the paper and stared at the words written carefully on the page. His hand shook as he picked up her cell phone to call Kendall.

"Katie!" Kendall shouted when he picked up. "Katie, where are you?"

"It's James." His words were barely above a whisper. "Kendall, there's a letter here."

Kendall tensed, wondering if she'd gotten depressed and suicidal. James didn't mention a body, so he tried to push that thought from his head. Another absurd thought occurred to him. Only one thing involving Katie would make James this upset. And that's a repercussion from her staying the night. If that was the case, Kendall was going to throttle him. "A…letter…?" He paused when his phone beeped. "Hold on, I have another call." Kendall picked up the other line and listened carefully to his sister's secretary's panicked voice. Kendall flipped the line back to James. "They found her."

"Where?" James asked, carefully hiding his shock. "Is she okay?"

"She's in the hospital. She collapsed on the way to work." Kendall's voice softened slightly. "What was the letter about?"

"Kendall…" James took a deep breath and prepared for his best friend to kill him for the news. "Katie has Cancer."

Kendall froze; James could hear the phone drop in the background. Someone scrambled to pick it back up, there was static before he heard Kendall's ragged voice come over the line again. "S…She's too young for this."

"And normally I'd be inclined to agree, but you can't stop it. And you can't always protect her. She's still in the early stages, they could probably help her." James began, only to get cut off halfway into his next sentence. "And besides—"

"I don't want to hear _probably_, James I want to hear _can_ help her. She's still a baby." Kendall closed his eyes for a long time. "I'm going to have Gustavo cancel. I'm not doing this while my sister's in the hospital."

"Before you do anything, Kendall, maybe you should see what she wants." James sifted through the letters on the table and picked up one that was written in her fancy scrawl. It was a list of things she had to do. _Number one: Call Kendall and mom_…he kept reading until he got to the fifth one. _Number five: Tell Kendall that the show must go on…_James paused and smiled a little at her neatly written words. "We still have five hours before the concert; we can stop by and visit her. She did want us to see her, right?"

"Fine…meet me there…but please, James. Please, don't make me regret this." Kendall hung up and went to prepare the other two members for what was coming next.

* * *

Kendall stood in the hospital room, staring at his frail sister. Jo stood beside him, watching carefully to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. "Look, Kendall, it's still in the early stages. They can control it with medicine and therapy. This doesn't have to be the end of her life; it's just the beginning of another chapter."

"Please," Kendall whispered. "Is that what you say to every twenty year old girl who gets cancer?"

"At least it isn't Leukemia, or AIDs. Be glad it's controllable. If it gets worse…it's up to Katie, not you. She'll need your support. You're her brother, remember?" Jo frowned when he turned away from her, facing the door so he didn't have to look at Katie. "She's going to be okay, you know why? I've never seen a girl with more spunk than her. She could take on your whole hockey team and still walk away from it with a smile."

Kendall snickered slightly at the thought and looked to Jo for a moment. "Where do you think James is? I know Logan and Carlos are outside in the lobby, but James never showed up." Kendall stared at his watch. It was pretty close to six. The concert was at eight. "Do you think he feels guilty?"

"I doubt that," James slid through the door carrying several Daffodils. He looked over at Kendall with his famous smile, as if nothing was wrong. "I just brought her one of her favorite flowers."

Kendall face palmed. Katie talked about flowers all the time, why hadn't he thought of that? This would make James the first person to ever give her flowers. Jo spoke up first. "You do know what Daffodils stand for, right?"

James looked to Jo with a blank expression. "Respect. Sunshine. Admiration?"

"Unrequited love and regards." Jo explained, folding her arms. She watched James stare at the flowers before placing them carefully in a plastic cup he'd stolen from the nurses' station. "Though, they do look beautiful."

"I think they're perfect," James commented. "Yellow is her favorite color after all." James paused and looked over at them for a moment. "I also got her a bouquet that has Yarrow, Snowdrops, Nasturtium, and Gerbera in it…and, as a flower enthusiast; I hope she understands my message."

"James, you didn't have to…" Kendall paused when he noticed that Katie was watching James arrange the flowers by length. He coughed slightly, and then smiled when James looked at him. Kendall and Jo pointed to Katie. "Hey, Katie." Kendall sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at her. "You feel okay? Treatments can be tough."

"I haven't started them yet." She looked over at James, her eyes never leaving his hands as he fiddled with the flowers. "James, stop messing with them. They look fine."

His hands froze and he moved them to his sides. "Look, Katie, I brought you Daffodils because I remember you saying you liked them."

She smiled wide. "I know. You gave me a single one on graduation, too. It's pressed in the back of my photo album. Why aren't you guys at your concert?"

"We wanted to be here for you," Kendall commented, looking down at her with a smile. "Baby sister, are you sure you feel alright?"

"Yes, big brother. I would tell you if something was wrong. Now, you guys both know as well as I do that the show must go on." James recalled the letter when he heard the words; step two on her list was what he was hung up on. "Go get the rest of the group, and go do your concert." She shifted so she was sitting. "I just need to talk to James alone for a minute."

Kendall and Jo shuffled from the room and closed the door. James took a seat in the chair beside the bed, listening to the beeps from the monitors. "Why me? Out of millions of people in the world, you chose me."

"Because out of the four of you, not counting my brother, so three of you…you're the only one who still called me every day to say good morning. Even after you guys moved out." She sighed and plucked one of the daffodils from the makeshift vase and sniffed it. "And you're the only man in my life who ever got me flowers."

"That is true, but still. Katie, we made a deal when you were ten, remember?" James commented, folding his arms.

"Well, people grow up, and they change. And when I was ten I was only concerned with one thing. James…please understand that I don't know how long I've got right now. I just want to live like I'm dying." Katie mumbled with a slight blush. "Plus, I've always kind of sort of liked you…but Kendall is so overprotective."

"He's your big brother." James whispered, leaning in towards her. "What's so maybe about you, Katie?"

"Alright, we need to stop referencing song lyrics. It's starting to freak me out." Katie commented, shifting again. She was tired and hungry, but neither of which were going to be resolved at that moment. "You can go with the others. I'll still be here when you come back."

"Why did you go out of contact to begin with?" James inquired, gently touching the back of her hand, grimacing at the sight of the Intravenous.

"Because, I knew if I did, you would come looking for me. I didn't want Kendall to go to the apartment. I wanted you to know first…I just couldn't tell you." She smiled sheepishly. "And you know how I am with being independent."

James offered her a shy smile back. "I'll go do the concert. Kendall knows that the show must go on. We'll make you proud."

* * *

Kendall stared at the crowd during the break, wondering if any of them knew. Was Katie watching? Was she aware that his heart was aching to help her? He wasn't sure of anything, but he turned to Gustavo and smiled a little. "Can I do a song for my sister?"

"Once. Never again." Gustavo smiled back knowing that it was a deal.

Kendall took his place on the stage and looked out into the crowd. "I know you guys are all expecting us to do something upbeat, but today I discovered that a very important person in my life is fighting with Cancer. Well, I don't know what to do for her, but as a band, we're going to serenade her…and if she isn't watching, I want to see people run up to her and say "that song was for you!"…so, this one's for her."

James smiled when he took his position, singing softly. "Katie, you're a brave girl, and I know it's only just started. But I'm gonna be there at six, with some flowers on sticks, that were clipped just to make the weak strong." He took a breath and continued, knowing she would hear him. "And Katie it's a strange world, and girls can get so broken hearted. But if it were me and the universe, I'd get the worst of this gone."

The four boys began to sing together, swaying like trees in the wind. "And Katie, Katie, I'm sorry, that in your condition, the sunshine's been missing. But Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie, be happy …This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there, we're really not there."

This time Kendall took over, closing his eyes for a long moment before starting. He wasn't sure how to make it sound. "Katie, you're a brave girl…Courage is something I'll need now, because it's been a hell of a day I've spent fading away. But we all fade sometimes, I believe, that Katie it's a strange world. As I watch our tables get turned round, but you've got the strength that I've lost, who'd of thought you would be carrying me?"

_And Katie, Katie, I'm sorry, that in your condition, the sunshine's been missing. But Katie, Don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie, be happy, this world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there._

Logan took over this time, with Carlos singing with him. This time it was just the two of them. "It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. 'Cause the cops wouldn't break up this party."

_And Katie, Katie, I'm sorry, that in your condition, the sunshine's been missing. But lately, I don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie, be happy, this world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there.…I said we're not really here, and we're really not there, we're really not there._

Kendall looked at the microphone for a moment before continuing. "Katie, you're a brave girl…and I know it's only just started…" When the music stopped, he smiled softly. "Happy birthday, baby sister…I'm sorry for embarrassing you."

* * *

This chapter seems to have continuity errors. I started out with her being 19 turning 20, but decided to have her 20 turning 21 instead. I know it says a few times "She's only 20" and then "she's 21", that's because this chapter takes place on November 13th, the last day of the tour, and Katie's birthday. =) I know, what a horrible birthday present. I haven't decided where to go with this yet. My norm is with tragedy, but killing Katie would make me so sad, so I doubt I'd do that. Also, the song at the end is called "There, There, Katie" by Jacks' Mannequin. This was requested to be put up on October 8, 2010, so here you go. =) I'll try to have chapter three up tomorrow.


	3. September Delight

Katie stood in the kitchen, water running hot, her hands idly scrubbing dishes clean. It rained outside; she could hear the soft patter on the window. It was quiet, a sound that made her crazy, especially after growing up with youthful antics and shouting as a kid. This was not what she dreamed her life would be like when she turned twenty one. She dreamed of being able to be on her own, without help, without relying on anyone or anything to get by.

When she finished the dishes that had sat in the sink for several days, she dried her hands and turned to look in the living room. It had been a week and all her things still sat where they'd been when she ran off. Her cell was dead, her papers still thrown about on the table, but one thing was missing; her note. She noticed it when she got home, but hadn't said anything about it.

She blinked when she noticed her phone buzzing on the table. It nearly danced off the wooden table until she heard the name come up; _James_. She stared a long time at the phone before flipping it open. "Hello?"

"What do you mean, _what happened_?" She heard James shouting.

"I mean, what happened the night she stayed over at your house? I know the cancer isn't the only thing making her depressed." Kendall half-yelled, hearing James breathing hard.

Katie wasn't sure what was happening, but it was quite apparent that James had pocket dialed, considering his phone was almost always in his back pocket. "James?" Katie asked again.

She was apparently unheard, when James took a deep breath and began to speak again. "She called me around four in the morning," His voice trembled for a moment or so. "She said she had nowhere else to go and had no way of getting hold of you."

(The italic is Katie's memory)

"_Katie?" James asked, hearing Katie's trembling voice on the line. "Katie, why are you crying? What happened?"_

"_I can't get hold of Kendall or mom…I don't know what to do."James was the second and only person she would call other than her own brother. "Something really bad happened."_

_James' heart nearly stopped. Was something wrong? Why was she crying? "Where are you?" He looked at the clock and took a deep breath. He sat up straight in bed, waiting for her answer. "Wherever you are, I'll come get you." She'd called from a cell phone so he didn't know where she was right now._

"_My apartment burned down. Like; the whole building. There was a short somewhere in the electrical system, the landlord overlooked it last inspection. I'm not the only person out of a home right now, but the other people are lucky enough to have family they can contact. I'm standing outside the ashes, looking at what doesn't exist anymore." It was small moments like this where she was glad that most of her pictures were at the office. "James, where do I go?"_

"_Just stay there. Don't move. I'm coming to get you." He checked his watch again and did the math in his head quickly. She was an hour away from him, it was raining. He hoped she didn't get sick. "Don't do anything stupid, okay? I'll be there in an hour."_

"_I know," Katie whispered with a smile. "I'll wait right here."_

_It took him roughly an hour and a half to get there, only because of the traffic. He pulled over on the curb, forgetting to put the car in park. He flinched when his car collided with the one in front of him. At least it was only a foot and didn't do much damage. He threw the car in reverse and backed up a few feet and threw the car in park this time. He noticed Katie coming towards him, so he opened the door and stepped out. _

_She squinted slightly and ran towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. "I thought that was you who caused the accident!"_

"_It wasn't an accident; I merely tapped the car in front of me." James grumbled, folding his arms around her narrow hips and holding her close for a long time. "I'm glad you're okay." He wiped a bit of ashes from her cheek and shook his head. "Did everyone else get out okay?"_

"_Mrs. Leightman got caught under a support beam when it fell, but they got her out okay." She began to tremble, crying softly against his shoulder. Her hands curled tightly in his shirt. "I didn't even know what was going on. My neighbor pounded on the door for almost five minutes, it was the floor below us that caught first. I didn't hear anything; you know how I get when I sleep."_

_He smiled, putting his hand against the back of her head, brushing gently through her hair, removing soot and ash. "When you called me, I thought it was something else. I thought you were calling me because someone had hurt you. This is worse than what my mind came up with on the trip down here."His left arm brought her closer while she cried. "I'm just glad you're okay."_

_She smiled softly, nudging closer to his chest. She stared up at him with her typical honey brown eyes. "James, you look very cute with your hair in a mess."_

_It was the first time he'd noticed that his hair was unkempt. He blinked several times and touched his hair, patting it into place. It was all over the place, sticking up in some places, curled slightly in others. He didn't seem to care much. "You're going to come to my house until we find you somewhere else to stay."_

"_I don't want to be in the way, James." Katie commented, loosening her grip on his dark blue shirt. She knew he had put it on just to come get her; normally he slept shirtless. She could also tell that it was messy because it hadn't been cleaned lately. It wasn't that he was gross and didn't clean his clothes, but because he probably didn't feel like looking for anything else._

"_You call me at four in the morning in a helpless panic and nearly make me fall down the steps to get to my car, cause a crash when I got here, and you're telling me you won't at least come to my house for the night?" He seemed dejected when he spoke._

_She turned away slightly, her eyes a little darker when she caught his words. She had noticed he was limping slightly when he walked. "You fell down the steps, didn't you?"_

"_Yeah, well, that's what I get when I try to put my shirt on and run down the steps at the same time." He tugged on her hand, dragging her towards his beat up silver Corolla. He'd had the car since 2000, when it was brand new, but he hadn't driven it until he was sixteen. Although James was wealthy, he preferred to stay low-key about it. "Just so you know, I haven't exactly cleaned lately."_

"_And should I expect anything less?" She inquired when he opened the passenger side door for her to get in. She put on her seatbelt and closed the door, following as he moved to the driver side. This time he had the foresight to keep his foot on the brake when he took it out of park. "Are you sure you should be driving?"_

"_I'll be fine. I keep later hours on tours, so it's okay. Just keep me awake so I don't crash again." He commented with a slight snicker. Katie didn't take it as lightly._

"_How have the tours been going? I haven't talked to you guys in a month. I know you had a back to back tour in August." She laid her head back and stared up at the ceiling, her finger lacing against the window slightly. She propped her elbow on the door handle, placing her head against her palm so that it was the only thing between her and the cold window. She listened to him speaking, along with the soft patter of rain against the window._

_James pulled into the driveway of his small suburban house an hour later. He turned to see Katie sleeping, but shook his head. Closing his door, he smirked remembering just how she got when she was tired. Coming around to the passenger side, he opened the door, holding his hand out to steady her so she didn't fall. As if dealing with a child, he undid her seatbelt and lifted her into a bridal carry. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?"_

_She grumbled something incoherent and snuggled closer to his chest._

_He looked down at her and shook his head. Carrying her up to the second floor, he tapped his bedroom door open with his foot and placed her on the dark blue sheets where he'd once been sleeping. Pulling the light blue covers over her slender form, he leaned over her for a long time, watching her sleeping. He brushed her hair to the side so it wasn't in her eyes, and looked away. What would Kendall do? What would he do if he knew what was running through his mind? Could he hurt his best friend like that?_

_More importantly; could he hurt the only girl he loved like that? His mind screamed at him to take advantage of the moment. To use it and do what he'd died to do since he noticed her developing. He wanted to touch her in ways he shouldn't. She'd never forgive him if he did. He brought his lips closer to hers and gently kissed her before turning away and closing the door behind him. "Goodnight, Katie."_

_Katie woke to the sound of a dish shattering. She sat straight up and looked around to see where she was at. She noticed the photograph on the wall of the gang at their first concert, but she didn't realize until she saw the blue sheets. She'd seen them only once before; they had small diamond patterns on them. It always made her laugh, simply because the owner of said bed sheets was none other than James Diamond._

_She ruffled her hair slightly and noticed the ash. "That's right…I'm here because my apartment burned down…" She stepped into the hallway and heard James singing a song she'd never heard before. He seemed excited, like he'd slept with someone last night. Suddenly the thought struck her; though she'd welcome him sleeping with her, she'd prefer to have been awake. "James, we didn't—"_

"_Do you honestly not trust me?" James asked, setting out a plate on the counter. "You're my sister; I could never do anything like that to you. No; I put you to bed, then crashed on the couch."_

_She touched a hand to her head slightly, sitting on a stool at the counter. "Do you have coffee? I can't function until I've had caffeine in my system."_

"_A girl after my own heart," James murmured, pouring her a mug of muddy black liquid. He still wasn't exactly the best at making coffee, but at least Katie appreciated it. "I called my little sister. She's going to let you stay with her for a while." Jade had been living in town for nearly a month, not that far from James, actually. When he mentioned that Katie's apartment was in cinders, she was the first to offer a place to stay._

_Jade was actually James' stepsister, since his father remarried two years ago. Jade and Katie were in the same grade, so they grew up together. Her eyes were a bright combination color somewhere between green and blue, a beautiful shade of teal; thus, the name Jade._

Kendall increased his grip around James' neck. The older boy growled deep. "If she tells me any different, I promise you that you won't wake up tomorrow morning."

"Stop playing big brother, Kendall. Where were you that night? Where were you when she was standing on the street crying? Where were you when she had nowhere else to go?" James shouted, his voice cracking ever slightly when he yelled.

Kendall's grip loosened. Where _was_ he? Wasn't he with Jo that night? What kind of brother was he? He let go, his hand falling to his side. "Don't break her heart."

"What do you mean?" James inquired, staring at his best friend of twenty-four years. "How can I break her heart? She doesn't even love me."

"Oh, please. How stupid are you?" Kendall tugged on James' hair. "Is all that product killing brain cells? You were a B student, you can't be that oblivious. You've always protected her; even when it ruined your reputation. You were- are -her knight in shining armor, and you've always been the only other person she trusts other than me." He took a deep breath. "Katie told me once, when she was sixteen, that she was devastated you stopped hugging her. You stopped talking to her, looking at her. She told me that she went to bed in tears the night you told her you would only allow her one photograph of you."

"I didn't realize it would hurt her so much," James whispered. "I never realized how she felt."

"Yeah, well, now she's dying. Do you realize how much you've wasted? Do you realize how much of her life was wasted admiring you, and not getting feelings reciprocated? Do you know how that feels?" Kendall whispered darkly.

"She isn't going to die," James hissed under his breath; malice lacing his voice. "She won't die until I tell her I love her."

* * *

Katie dropped her phone, the conversation dying into a slow fade. Her world began to fade into darkness when the conversation turned towards her disease. She had been forgetting, but then it came up again. And what did James mean by _not until I tell her how I feel_? Didn't he already tell her? And how could he have kissed her and not told her? She descended the steps to the garage.

Her new apartment wasn't very far from where James lived; she came to his house and banged on the door for a long time. When he finally answered the door, she folded her arms and stared up at him. "How could you!"

"How could I?" James asked incredulously, leaning on the doorjamb.

"How could you kiss me while I was asleep?" She shouted, her voice rising harshly.

He didn't like the tone this conversation was taking. He stood straight and let his arms fall to his side. "How did you know…?"

"You pocket dialed me!" She took a step forward, and he took a step back. "I thought I could trust you!"

"I could have done worse!" James shouted back, standing toe to toe with her. "I could have done _much _worse! God knows I wanted to!"

She stood with her lips a breath away from his. Her brown eyes stared deep into his own honey colored hues. "Thank you, for being a gentleman. But if you wanted to do anything, wait until I'm awake to enjoy it. Otherwise, what's the point?" She winked and turned away, her hair smacking him as she left.

It almost felt as if she'd hit him with her hand.

"Katie?" He called.

She turned around and smiled. "Yes, James?"

"Never mind," James stared at his feet and walked away, closing the door.

* * *

Sorry for the lack of updates. I started college last Monday, and my sister-in-law's mother died that following Wednesday, so I haven't had much time to get anything done. I still have five other stories that need updating. –sigh- Anyway, someone requested to know what happened that night, so this is just filler.


	4. There, There, Katie

Almost four months into her treatment, Katie admonished she couldn't stay alone anymore. She'd been in and out of the hospital, falling down the steps from lack of balance. She rarely, if ever, remembered what happened. If there was one thing she hated, then let it be admitting she was weak. Katie was never weak. Ever. She closed her eyes and climbed into the bench-seat under the large bay window in her bed room. She peered out at the sunshine and smiled at all the trees that were growing, new to life. She hadn't recognized them before.

There was a photograph in her lap, some chai tea in her hands, steaming in the morning sunshine. She stared carelessly at the photograph. The boy next to her wasn't even smiling. She was. She was wearing her blue cap and orange tassel, holding up her diploma proudly so the whole world could see it. James stood next to her, staring at the photographer – in this case, Kendall – with dark eyes. She'd never noticed his expression over the years, but he hadn't smiled. At the time, she would take what she could get…but now, she felt like that chance was lost.

Kendall was right. She'd spent her entire life admiring someone who didn't care about her. Not like she cared about him. No, it was one of those dark and depressing romance stories where she'd die before he could tell her. The treatments had significantly ruined her immune system, so she had to stop them. Now she was sick with a cold, terrified that it would be the last one she ever got. As much as she hated being sick, she'd rather be sick than not exist anymore. Flipping the picture over, she sighed and moved to her bed.

Under the bed was a shoebox with all of her different medicines. Ones she'd only taken once, or ones she'd never bothered with at all. She pulled one of the pill bottles out and read the title on the front, then opened the bottle and poured the pills into her hand. There were six. Six antidepressants she hadn't taken since she turned sixteen and her best friend abandon her. She took one, and then pondered what would happen if she took all of them.

* * *

Kendall sat on the edge of the stage, staring out at the empty crowd. It was their farewell tour, until they went back when Katie was better again. Kendall had announced tonight that he couldn't perform while his little sister was dying. Although the band had received well wishes, and letters of testimonials of battles with cancer, Kendall wasn't feeling much better about what was happening.

"She's too young," Carlos murmured sitting to Kendall's left. "I've only ever heard of it being fatal to adults over 30-ish."

"She said she's on some new medicine that will help…" Kendall commented, looking to Carlos. He didn't understand why he was sitting there. Then it hit him. His dad remarried. "Your mom…how long did it take?"

"I was seven. It wasn't really long after my seventh birthday, but she vowed to hold on that long. She just got weaker and weaker, she was almost as bald as my dad by the time…the last time we saw her." Carlos found it easier to speak now; he'd had time to come to terms with it. It killed him sometimes seeing Katie in the same position, but it didn't matter much. "I remember just before she died, I told her I was going to take up skating. It was something I was good at. She told me to be careful, because she was concerned that it could be dangerous to me…that's why I wear the helmet. Because she gave it to me."

"I never knew," Kendall spoke, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "I know Jo is really worried about Katie. She asks me every night how she's doing, but Katie isn't talking to anyone. Not even James. I haven't heard anything from any of them." He folded his arms and shivered slightly. "Three months of no contact…it kills me."

"Not as much as the Cancer—" Carlos never finished his thought. For the first time in forever, he'd noticed his mistake and fixed it. "Kendall, didn't your dad die of cancer when you were little?"

"I was only five. I don't remember much of anything." He looked away. "Mom told me once that it was hereditary, that there was a good chance Katie would also get it, as well as myself. Evidently it was Katie who won the genetic lottery. They want to try treating it with Chemo and medicine first…and if that doesn't work, Katie said there is no other option. She'd rather spend her whole life just…vegetating."

"She's giving up." Carlos whispered, shock crossing his normally smiling features. "She can't give up. Katie never gives up."

"It's a losing battle, Carlos. She said she's confident she's lived her life. She's done everything she wanted to do. Hell, she got her empire started and she's only in her twenties! Don't you see? She's growing up faster than we ever did." Kendall flipped his hair and looked to the empty audience again. "She's never going to be the same, even if she does survive through this."

"Yeah. I thought about that. But you know what? Even if she's not the same, she's still Katie, and she's still your sister." Carlos stood and held out his hand to Kendall. "Let's go visit your sister."

Kendall nodded and smirked. "We can't just stop by unannounced."

"We won't. James is on his way over there now. She called him to come over. We'll just go there…looking for James." Carlos was never so devious before, it was almost startling to hear him speak those words.

Kendall smiled. "You're pretty cool, you know that?"

Carlos merely smiled.

* * *

James didn't knock on the door; he didn't even wait for her to unlock it. He went inside using the spare key she had taped to the underside of the gap in the door and started to look around. She didn't answer when he called, he wondered if she'd fallen asleep again. "Katie?" When he rounded the corner, his eyes got wide. "Katie!" Kneeling on the floor of the bedroom, he brought the now-underweight girl into his arms. "Oh God, no. Please, no."

She didn't move, twitch, nothing. The photograph she had stared at earlier was shattered on the floor, the pill bottles all over the room, and contents also on the floor. What little was left of them. Her normally honey brown eyes were closed, hiding her pain. James whispered a prayer never being religious before and brought her closer to his body. He'd call for help. That would take too long. Could he drive her? Not in this condition. His brain was fried. What could he do?

He would walk. The hospital was only twenty minutes in a car, which made it an hour by foot, right? He didn't care. Closing his eyes, he began to walk, ignoring the weird looks he got from the people around him. Would she make it to the hospital? Would she die in his arms? What if he never got to say goodbye?

* * *

Logan paced outside the room. He had been at the hospital taking his residency exams when he'd seen James coming through with Katie. He dialed and redialed Kendall's number, but he wasn't answering. Jo couldn't even find him, which was disturbing. The fifth time he tried, he finally got an answer. "Kendall?"

"Logan? Hey! I didn't know you were still in town. We're on our way to see Katie, want to meet up with us?" Kendall asked excitedly.

Logan let out a sigh, his words tired. "Actually, that's why I called. Maybe it's probably better if you meet up with me."

"What do you mean? Where are you calling from?" Kendall's words began to get high pitched, worry streaking his voice. "Logan, didn't you leave early for your tests at the hospital? Tell me you want to meet because you passed."

"James just brought her in. Kendall, it looks like she overdosed." Logan had to sit when he spoke the words, the shaking wouldn't subside. "I don't know if she'll make it. They threw James out; he's been moping in the corner for an hour. Kendall…it's looking grim."

"I'll…be there as soon as possible."

"I would hurry up. I think we might have to say our final goodbye's tonight." Logan whispered, finally breaking down and crying. "You know why I became a doctor, right?"

"Because you're good at it?" Kendall inquired, letting Carlos drive. The other boy didn't show any emotion, likely remembering his past with his mother.

"No." Logan whispered through tears. "Because I couldn't stand seeing you in pain over your sister's condition. That's what put me in gear about finishing my tests. I can't save her…but I can help her."

* * *

"Please do what you can. Don't let her die until I get there. I'm calling my mom now." When he hung up, he threw the phone to the floor and began to cry, bringing his knees up to his chest.

Carlos picked up the phone when they hit the stoplight. He paged through the contacts until he found the one he needed, dialing the number and setting up the headset so he didn't need the cell. The tired woman picked up, joy lacing her voice. "Carlos! It's good to hear from you again."

No one had told her about Katie. She'd asked them not to. Her mother didn't know anything about her condition. "Mama Knight…we haven't been totally honest with you for the last few months."

(AN: According to Wikipedia, her name is Jennifer…anyone else know when this was mentioned in the show?)

"We?" Jennifer began to wonder. "We as in…all of you?"

"Katie asked us not to talk to you about any of this. But I think you should know." Carlos continued.

She could distinctively hear her son crying somewhere in the background, the only time she'd heard those choked sobs was when Jo left for New Zealand. "Oh God, is it Jo?"

"No. It's Katie. She's not doing so well." He took a deep breath and slowed his speech. "We found out in late November that Katie had gotten Cancer. It's genetic, so it presumably came from your late husband."

"I hate him! I always hated him!" Kendall shouted from the seat next to Carlos.

Carlos continued, ignoring Kendall. "She's been taking chemotherapy and medicine, but it's not helping. In fact, they had to stop the chemo because she got gravely sick. She's lost almost fifty pounds, and most of her hair, along with the smile she always wore. She spent less time with us and more time alone. Mama Knight, Logan is doing residency at the hospital, he called us. James brought her in tonight. They think she overdosed. She isn't responding."

Kendall began to cry again.

Jennifer took a deep breath. "There's one other solution…the Chemo wouldn't work. It didn't work for her father, either. It's too aggressive. Has it spread, did she tell you?"

"She said it was still localized to her abdominal region." He looked to Kendall a moment, then back to the road. Why was it so far to get to the hospital she was at? "What are you thinking?"

"If it's still localized, they can perform a surgery. Remove the cancerous organ and replace it…but that's just an idea. They wanted to do it for Kenneth, but he didn't want to. He said the procedure was much too risky to perform."

"Mama Knight…I don't think they can _remove _and _replace_ the organ affected by this." Carlos continued. "At least, certainly not _replace_."

"…what kind is it?" She inquired.

"Cervical." Carlos commented, biting his lip when Jennifer started to cry.

"The only other choice is a full hysterectomy. She won't want that because it means she can't have children. Katie's always wanted children." Jennifer spoke softly. "Can I talk to Kendall…just for a moment? I know he won't want to talk to me…"

Carlos pulled over and placed the headset on Kendall's head, ignoring his broken protests. "I don't want to talk to you, mom."

"It wasn't your dad's fault." She whispered absently. "Katie was born with it, that's true, but it wasn't your father that gave it to her."

"Then who was it?" Kendall whispered. "Who could have possibly made her sick?"

"Generally speaking, Kendall, cervical cancer is onset by a sexual partner." Mama Knight explained. "Has she slept with anyone?"

Carlos locked the doors outside the hospital, glaring over at Kendall when the murderous look crossed his eyes. "You _will not _kill James! They haven't done anything, James even said it! When did a friend's word not stand up for _anything_?" the other boy shouted. "Kendall Donald Knight! You look at me and swear you won't attack him!"

"Fine." He hung up on his mother when she mentioned she was going to catch the next bus to the hospital. "I won't attack him. I'll freaking _murder _him!" Kendall fumbled with the lock until it popped up and he threw open the door. "I swear to God!"

Katie hadn't told anyone what type of cancer it was…only Carlos knew, because she confided in him about his mother. But Carlos also knew that it wasn't James' fault. "Listen to me, you can't kill James! He's your best friend!"

"Not anymore." Kendall stalked through the doors and stopped when he saw Logan, still sitting where he was when he called, but no sign of James. "Where is James?"

"In the room with Katie. She still isn't awake. Did you know it was cervical cancer?" Logan inquired?

"No, Carlos just told me. I'm going to kill James."

"Kendall…James isn't the one who did it. While it's true they did sleep together, only once, it isn't his fault. He tested negative for the HPV virus. It was someone else." Logan couldn't show him James' record, but he hoped that his friend would listen.

"Who? Who else would Katie sleep with? And I'm still going to kill him for taking advantage of her!" Carlos ran over and grabbed Kendall's arms, holding them behind his back forcefully. "Let go of me, Carlos!"

"Not until you swear you won't be killing anyone. You need to listen to Logan. Completely." Carlos demanded.

"What!"

"There's a file here from her junior year of high school. I can't tell you much else, other than the fact that she was here to be tested for rape. Kendall…it wasn't James. James doesn't have the virus. It was someone from her school." Logan finished, closing his eyes and leaning back in the chair. "She didn't even tell James."

Carlos looked guilty. "She told me. She told me two years ago, when she found out she was sick. She confided in me that she was raped in high school, she never told me who…but she told me." He let go of Kendall, fully expecting him to punch him in the face. When Kendall didn't, he continued. "I knew the whole time."

"She trusted you because of your mom. Because you lost your mother the same way." Kendall fell into a chair. "Carlos…don't you _ever _keep a secret like that from me again. And how did everyone else know Katie and James had sex but me!"

"She didn't want you to know. For this reason. And I only knew because she told Camille!" Logan shouted.

"My God, even _Camille _knew before me?" Kendall closed his eyes and turned away. "You know what? I don't care. I don't have time to hate either of them."

"The problem with the type of cancer she has, Kendall, is that generally the symptoms don't show until it's too late to be cured." Logan commented, folding his arms. "I'm pretty sure they can still help her, but…I don't really know. I haven't studied it as aggressively as I should have."

"Don't say aggressive." Kendall commented, taking a deep breath. "She's just a kid. She wants to have a family one day."

"If she makes it…" Carlos stopped himself. "She can always adopt…and there's surrogacy."

"There is no _if_. She _will_." Kendall angrily whispered. "She has to."

"Listen to me, Kendall. Her symptoms suggest that this has been going on for as long as it's been since she was raped. She was only sixteen when she was in her junior year, correct? That means she's had this for five years…and only two of them she's had symptoms. It can take years for it to start to show." Logan tried to remember what his instructor had taught him about cancers, specifically for this type.

Then Carlos pitched in. "It is one of the leading causes of death of women in the country," he saw Kendall's look and froze for a moment. "However, most of the time it can be cured through a hysterectomy. My mom wouldn't have one. She wanted to have children again…but radiation and chemotherapy usually make it difficult to have kids afterwards. It all depends on if they can stop the cell growth in time. Once it's onset, it can't really be stopped."

"How does he know this?" Logan asked curiously, looking between the two of them.

"Because his mom died of cervical cancer. And that's what I'm afraid of. Katie isn't even a mother yet." Kendall flipped open his phone a few times, but didn't dial the number he needed to. He needed Jo. He needed to talk to her. He just couldn't bring himself to tell her yet.

The trio looked up when the door closed. James looked somberly between the three of them. "She's awake and coherent." He folded his arms and leaned against the door for a long time, breathing short breaths, almost hyperventilating. They'd never seen him so weak. "She didn't overdose as I suspected. She relapsed. Bad. She was trying to find her medicine when she just…got so weak, she passed out." James shook his head. "I should have been there."

Logan stood and went over to the handsome man, putting a hand on his shoulder gently. "You would have been much worse off if you'd been there. And if you hadn't told me what happened, I'd never know to call Kendall."

"We talked about treatment options…" James whispered, continuing to speak. "They're prepping her for surgery. She's too far gone for it to go on much longer. She's only ninety pounds right now, and the treatment caused her white blood cells to drop significantly, which had increased her risk for infection and disease. That's why she's so weak." He frowned. "Her medicine makes her so sick, she can't eat anymore."

"Is that why she's been avoiding us?" Kendall asked, looking up sadly from his spot in the hallway.

"She was avoiding everyone. Katie didn't want to admit there was a problem." He slowed his hyper breathing, placing a hand over his heart for a long time to calm himself down. "She told me that she's accepted what happens. This is her life. This was the hand she was dealt. She's going to make the most of it…regardless of circumstance, or fear, or…me."

Carlos blinked several times before speaking to James. "What do you mean by _or…me_?"

"It's something that stays between her and I for the time being." He looked away when he heard the door open again, the doctor that was in there with him wheeling her bed out.

Katie's brown eyes were calmly watching everyone. Kendall couldn't even bring himself to look at her. "I love you, big brother." She whispered.

Kendall smiled softly. "I love you, too, little sister. You better get better. If you don't, I'll have to kick your butt." It was the first time he'd laughed since he found out. "Promise."

"I don't make promises I can't keep."

It was the last thing she said to them.

* * *

Read my profile for the skinny on the lack of updates, peeps. And read and review. This isn't done yet. Not by a long shot. =D

Also, because of my lack of updates, I'm going to post chapter five once I get five reviews for this chapter. So get on it, people. XD


	5. Bulletproof

AN: The italics are random flashbacks that Katie had while in surgery. None of them are in order, they're all random.

**Bulletproof**

Katie stared at the lights above her, tears forming in the back of her eyes. She knew this wouldn't be the end, she refused to admit this was over. Never had she wanted to give up a fight so bad. She didn't know what to say anymore, she wanted to offer her brothers hope, but the pain got to her so bad that she couldn't speak half the time. Of all the boys, only James knew how bad she had gotten towards the end.

The agreement was that since she only wanted to see James, he would visit her each and every single day until she knew what she wanted for sure. They went on dates, they laughed, he gave her everything she ever wanted and then some. It was true that they had slept together, but it was long after she found out she was ill. Only because she knew she'd never be able to be with him again. Or, she thought that way.

The doctor firmly placed a mask on her face and asked her to count backwards from one hundred. She blinked a few times, then began to count until she couldn't think coherently anymore. Her brown eyes shut, and for the first time, fear and uncertainty took over her mind.

* * *

"_Katie, you know what I always liked about you?" James inquired, sitting beside the brunette in the park. She was too busy watching children playing to offer him an answer. He gently nudged her shoulder._

_She looked up at him and smiled. "What did you always like about me?"_

"_Your determination. You never stop. Ever. Even if it means fighting through a fire, you continue going until the breath is knocked out of you. I respect that. That's an amazing trait, and I'm jealous." His gaze followed hers to the child running across the large field._

_His hand was outstretched, a glove adorning the palm. He was running along trying to catch a ball, when it landed in the mitt he held it up and started to shout something. The boy jumped up and down in excitement._

_Katie turned to James and quietly watched him. "Do you regret it?"_

"_He was an alcoholic, Katie. Why would I regret leaving him behind?" James asked, his brown eyes watching hers curiously. "You're asking if I regret my childhood? No. I don't regret those times I spent in the principals office. I don't regret being abused. I don't regret my life, because it lead me here…to you." He turned away again, closing his eyes. "It gives me all the more reason to not be like him."_

_Katie just briefly caught a glimpse of his exposed ankle, where burn marks adorned the heel to the knee. Most of them had faded, but some of them hadn't and were noticeable in certain light. She had found it when she tried to help him after he was pushed down in seventh grade. She had always known what no one else did. "You know what I like about you?"_

"_What's that?" James inquired curiously._

"_Even through all the abuse, all the tears, all the hurt and scars, even through being told you can't…you did." Katie whispered, admiring him. "You did, James. You proved him wrong. He held you down and told you that you'd never achieve your dreams…but you did."_

"_Huh, I guess I did, didn't I?" James smiled, kissing her forhead. "That's why I love you, Katie. You make me realize things that I never see normally."_

* * *

"_Hey," The words were spoken before Katie realized whom was talking to her. She turned fast, her brown hair flying every which way. James stood in front of her, his dark hair falling unruly in his face. Brown eyes watched her as if she was drunk. His muscles were just as they had always been, the first thing that drew her eye. "Congratulations on graduating."_

_Her smile quickly faded into a frown. "Why don't you seem very enthusiastic?"_

"_Because now I can't torment you after school?" He shrugged and tugged on her tassle. "I'm proud of you, even if it doesn't always show. You're one hell of an admirable woman."_

_Katie smiled again, noting that it was the first time he'd called her a _woman_. She hadn't fully healed from the rape, it was still hard for her to breathe some days, but James being around making her laugh always made it better for her. The smaller girl shoved him playfully. "You know what I think about you? I think that you're pretty damn stupid sometimes."_

"_I know. I let go of the best thing in my life. And for some reason, that never bothered me until now." James whispered incoherently. Katie let it pass, having a hard time hearing him speak over the crowd of other people in the hall. "I love you, Katie."_

* * *

"_You know what? You're stupid." Katie shouted, her words harsh and sharp. Even though it was a childish insult, it still hurt to hear. "You threw away the best damn woman you've ever had in your life!"_

"_And who might that be?" James challenged, folding his arms. "You? Because I'm starting to wonder about you, Katie. You keep pushing me towards Anna, and then when I get close, you come up with some hairbrained scheme to break us up. Well, it's over, you got what you wanted. I'm done with Anna, and she's done with me. Happy now?"_

"_No! I'm _not _happy! I won't be happy until you finally get over yourself. I won't be happy until you realize that you're an idiot and let go of the woman who loved you most! She would have _died for you_, and you threw it away!" Katie shouted back, her words laced with anger._

"_You know what, Katie? I don't give a damn. I've come to the grim conclusion that someone like me is doomed to be alone forever. And you know what? That's perfectly fucking fine for me." He took a swig of whiskey from the bottle, challenging her with his eyes. "You're seventeen, what's the worse you can do? Call the cops on me? Come on, Katie. Get real. Anna's gone and you shoved her away."_

"_I didn't shove her away! Your party and drinking lifestyle did!" The young woman pulled out a cell phone and paged through texts, pulling up one and shoving it in his face._

"_From Anna: Why doesn't he listen? I told him I'd love him no matter what, and so he decided to be more like his dad. Is he trying to push me away? Katie, what do I do? You know him better than I do. Is he shoving me away?" James read out loud, setting the bottle down carefully on the edge of the counter. "From Anna: He told me today that he never loved me. He said his heart belonged to someone else. Thanks for trying, I guess true love means nothing anymore. I fought for that man. I even bailed his ass out of jail…and he hates me. Thanks for nothing, little sister."_

* * *

_It was noon by the time the text came through. "Katie, James is on his way to Minnesota right now. You might want to stop him. He said he's going after the man for your sake." Jo's text read. Katie's breath caught. Why her? She grabbed her jacket and ran from the apartment._

_James stood outside the ticket counter, arguing profusely with the attendant. "Look, just give me whatever ticket you have available, I don't care. I need a ticket for the next flight to Minnesota. It's an emergency."_

"_It will be over a thousand dollars, you're only a kid, how much money can you possibly have?" The woman countered, pushing buttons as if to look busy._

"_I have more than you think I have, now just give me the damn ticket!" He grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and threw a stack of hundreds and fifties at her that he'd gotten from the bank just for this occasion. "Why are you arguing?"_

"_I can't sell to a minor."_

"_I'm not a minor!" James shouted._

"_You sure look like one." The woman challenged._

"_Listen, my father decided when I was eleven that he didn't want to be a father anymore. When I turned fifteen, I left home to live with my best friend's family. When I was sixteen I was emancipated, and could live on my own. I chose not to because of that family that took care of me. I am more of an adult than any other person my age. Now give me the stupid ticket!"_

_Katie stepped up beside him, taking his hand and holding it tight. "James David Diamond, stop harassing this woman. You don't need to go."_

"_Yes I do! Katie, don't you get it? He told me you were a harlot, who says harlot anymore?" James demanded._

"_James, listen to me. Breathe." When he took a deep breath, Katie smiled softly. "James, your father may be an ass, but fighting him isn't going to solve anything. And when it comes down to it, you know the truth, so why let it get to you?"_

"_I…guess I do know the truth about you…but still—" _

_He never got to finish his thought, Katie was on her toes, her lips pressed firmly to his. "James Diamond, you need to stop defending me. I'm perfectly capable of doing so."_

* * *

_The notebook that Katie wrote in constantly was sitting open on the table. Nothing was written on the page. It simply read: Recovering. She had begun to write but her hands wouldn't stop trembling. James hadn't called, and she knew he wasn't alone. She wanted to call again, but her hands wouldn't dial. Instead, she'd made some tea and sat in the corner, looking at the one solitary photograph she had of them together._

_Her phone chirped and she looked at the number, it was Jo. She was calling to see how the therapy was going. Katie picked up and smiled softly. "Hey, Jo."_

"_Hey, Sister. How's your therapy?"_

_Called it._

"_It's going as to be expected. The medicine makes me horrifically sick, the chemo makes me constantly tired. I had to give up my company to someone else. Jo, I'm going stir crazy here."_

"_You'll be fine. I know what will cheer you up." Jo answered, almost as if she hadn't listened to anything that the girl said._

"_And what's that?"_

"_Puppies!" Jo shouted. "No, but really. I have some really big, amazing, awesome news for you."_

"_This isn't going to be like the wedding I found out about in tabloids, is it?" Katie inquired._

"_No, that's why I'm calling you first." The woman took a deep breath and giggled a little. "I'm pregnant, Katie!"_

"_Oh my God, does Kendall know?"_

"_Does Kendall know? Are you crazy? No. I haven't told him just yet. In fact, he just walked in. I'll be right back." Katie could hear them speaking in the background, followed closely by Kendall's whispered _oh, that's wonderful._ As if he was speaking about a dead dog. Then realization hit him and his voice perked almost instantly. _Are you serious? _Jo laughed at his question. _Of course I'm serious! You're going to be a daddy!

_Katie could imagine him picking her up and twirling her around a few hundred times until she couldn't stand anymore, then smiling and kissing her over and over again. She frowned and looked at the photograph again. Why couldn't that be her?_

* * *

_Her eyes began to fill with tears. She didn't want to remember the news she had discovered on Friday. She'd been severely sick, so she decided that on the off chance something changed, she'd take a test and pray she wasn't sick. It came up positive. She took it again today and it came up negative. She already knew the cancer had caused her to miscarry and even if there was a small chance of survival, the medicine barred any chances. She didn't need to be told to know. She decided not to mention it to James._

_James sat in her hospital room, his feet kicking slightly under the chair as he waited for her to awaken. He frowned before he smiled and noticed her eyes flutter. "Kay-bear?"_

_It was a name only he used. "Jay."_

_She'd taken to calling him Jay, that way he wasn't always associated with his father. It was a small blessing to him, not to be known by his father's name. She looked away quickly. "We need to talk."_

"_I know. What happened?" James inquired, handing her an elephant doll, remembering how much she loved them. _

_She placed it on the counter by the bed and smiled absently. "My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I felt so weak. I passed out twice. I needed to take my medicine…I couldn't get to it in time. You were so worried. I heard you calling my name."_

"_You've been avoiding me since Friday, Katie. What did I do wrong?"_

"_It's not what you did. It's what I did." She frowned when he brushed her hair gently to the side. His hand rested carefully on her cheek. "You'll never forgive me."_

"_That's not true. I can forgive you for anything. What did you do that was so bad, Katie-Baby?"_

"_I miscarried." She took a sharp breath, then began to whimper and cry. "James, I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to know."_

_The shock that crossed his features took her breath away. He looked away absently. "The fact that you managed to even conceive, however brief it was, just goes to show that nothing is impossible right now. Katie, weather the child survived or not…you've still proven that your organs are functional! That's great news, right?"_

"_I guess." She frowned and pushed his hand away. "James, before my surgery today…promise me something."_

"_Anything. You want the world? It's yours. You want the moon? I'll get a rope. What do you need?" He pressed his forehead to hers. "Anything, Katie Baby."_

"_I want you to keep smiling, no matter what. And keep my memory alive." Katie whispered._

"_You're not going to die. You know how I know?" James whispered._

_Katie's eyes widened. "How?"_

_James kissed her lips and smiled. He pulled a box from his pocket and held it out to her. "Because I'm going to give you a reason to live. Katherine Claire Knight, will you do me the honor of marrying me and becoming Katherine Diamond? If you say no, I'll beat you to death."_

"_An ultimatum? I don't think I like this. James, if I don't make it—"_

"_Shut up and answer me, stupid!" James hissed._

"_Yes. Okay? Yes, I'll marry you."_

* * *

The expressions in the operating room went grim when the beep resounded through the room. That was never a good sign.


	6. God Gave Me You

**God Gave Me You**

James stood, his forehead propped against the window in the emergency room, listening to the rain fall outside. He checked every so often when he heard feet walk by; hoping it might be someone with good news, but no one had come. The surgeon, whom they were assured was the best in LA, had only come from the operating room once. And the last time he did, it was to inform Jennifer that Katie had lost her vitals, and bled out, but they were doing everything they could to save her.

At that point, James decided there was no use waiting at the operating room anymore. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he was the first to get the bad news.

When the doctor had told them that the possibility of survival dropped to minimal, and she needed blood, Kendall was the first to jump and offer. James didn't mind, Kendall was the only one who matched her blood type. James had sat there, in the waiting room, crying for an hour because he didn't think he'd done a very good thing. And while Katie was his life, and had been since day one, he'd never treated her that way. What if he lost her? How could he tell her he loved her if she was gone?

He turned so his back was against the wall and slid down to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest. It had already been six hours. It wasn't supposed to be longer than that, but because she had bled out, they needed to go longer. They were heading into the end of the seventh hour now. He was starting to lose hope fast.

"I brought you some coffee," Logan commented, sitting beside James on the floor and offering the Styrofoam cup. "It's not a lot, and it won't make you feel better, but it will keep you awake longer."

James smiled weakly and took a sip of the offered coffee. "How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't. I just thought of where I would go if I just heard Camille died. This was the first place. Either that or the bar, but Katie's not gone yet." Logan blinked and reworded his last statement. "She's not going anywhere, I'll tell you that much."

"How do you know? Can you promise me?" James asked, his voice slightly demanding.

Logan sighed and looked away. "No, actually, I can't. But I'm no idiot. I saw that ring, James."

"So she said yes. Now if she dies, I get to go through the rest of my life as an idiot, because I didn't see it before. The spark between us was always there, since she was ten years old, and I was too stupid to speak up. Any other girl, I can speak up and shout it off the rooftops…but Katie…I always hesitate." James whispered.

"Because you're afraid of Kendall hating you." Logan sighed and looked over at James. "You're afraid of losing everything in one go again."

James found it harder to breathe. "You're saying that I was afraid of my best friend, and that's why I never made a move on his sister?"

"That's how it always is. You don't want to ruin your friendship. It's a social suicide to fall in love with the best friend's sister."

"So instead of facing my fear, I hesitated on the one thing that mattered most to me." James frowned and stared into the cup of coffee. "What did you put in this?"

"Sugar and cream, like you like it. Why?"

"It's kind of bitter." He looked up at Logan, trying to change the topic. "Like, really bitter."

"Huh, I wonder why." Logan turned to face James, but didn't say much to him. Instead, he turned away and faced the doorway, where Jennifer was walking. Jennifer was crying, which prompted Logan to abandon his drink and run over to Jennifer and give her a hug. "Ms. Knight? What's wrong?"

Jennifer welcomed the hug, her normally bright blue eyes puffy from tears. "It's Katie…something changed in her condition."

Logan turned to James, but he was gone. The other boy was already running through the halls, working his way back to where Katie was. The operation sign was no longer lit, Carlos and Kendall were gone. He turned the corner and ran to the nurses' station to find someone on call. The young nurse was sitting behind the table, her green eyes fixated on the computer monitor.

"Excuse me," James growled growing impatient. "I'm looking for Katie Knight."

"What relation are you?"

James hesitated for a long time. If he said brother, it would look weird if they got married. "Her fiancé."

The woman looked up at him and paused for quite some time. "Aren't you James Diamond?"

"We'll do introductions later; right now I'm looking for my soon-to-be wife! Where is she?"

The nurse turned to the keyboard and began to type, pulling up documents. "Room 34A, but the doctor requested no visitors."

James peered over the desk at her, closing his eyes to the oncoming headache. When he reopened them, he looked at the nurse with dark brown eyes, full of tears. "Listen, I've gone through hell and high water to be here with her. I've waited hours to know if she'd be alive when she came out of surgery, and now you're telling me that I can't see her. I'm going. I don't care anymore."

* * *

Katie stared out the window, listening to the birds chirp. Oh, how she missed birds outside her window. She turned sharply when the door opened, but it wasn't who she was expecting to see. Now that she wasn't groggy from the anesthesia, she could remember and recognize the people in her rom. Kendall sat at the chair next to her bed, taking her hand gently. "I was afraid you wouldn't make it, little sister."

"I was sure I would have died of a broken heart." Katie commented quietly. "James never came."

"He was here the whole time," Kendall answered. "He even saw you for a few minutes after you were done in surgery…"

"I don't like that pause. What does that pause mean?" Katie whispered.

"Well…when they tried to escort him out, since the doctor said no visitors, he picked up the nearest thing and told them he'd kill them if they tried to take you away from him again. He was escorted off the premises by security, and told not to come back or else they were putting him in the psychiatric ward." Kendall smiled a little. "He's back to his old self again, that's a good thing."

Katie chuckled a bit, for the first time since she'd really found out about the cancer, she felt free to laugh. "Kendall, do you disapprove of us dating?"

"No. I knew you would be taken care of by James from the moment dad died. He was better for you, and I liked that. He was there for you when I wasn't, and I couldn't deny that. James has always bailed you out of trouble, and you've always helped him. Katie, I may be blind to love, but I'm no fool. I know what he did before you went into surgery."

Katie stared at him in disbelief. "He told you?"

"No. Jo did. And what's with me having to find everything out second hand? Katie, why didn't you tell me you slept with James?" Kendall asked bitterly.

"I was afraid you would hurt him." Katie whispered, staring down at her hands. "Please don't. He didn't hurt me, and I was the one who asked him. He was very nice to me the whole time, and when I asked him to stop, he did."

"I understand. I'm not going to judge you for what you did, just make sure I don't find anything else out through another source. Please? Let it be you who tells me. It eases the horror if finding out." Kendall smiled at his little sister and brushed a hand over her forehead. "The doctor said you had news for us?"

"Yes! When they got in, they found out that only one ovary was cancerous, they removed it, so now I have a fifty-fifty chance of having kids. He said he thought it was strange that I managed to get pregnant before the—" She paused and looked at Kendall. His eyes were furious. "Kendall, it was my choice! I wanted to stay with him, and as much as I hated the idea, when I thought about it – being a mother was a dream come true for me. I was devastated that I lost the baby."

"Katie, you're just a baby yourself!" Kendall hissed.

"Twenty one! And how old were you when Jo miscarried? Twenty two?" Katie bit back. "I don't want to hear anything from you about it."

"…Katie…you don't understand. The circumstances were different. Jo and I loved each other, and she knew I wouldn't cheat on her with another girl. Do you know James isn't going to cheat?" Kendall inquired.

Katie pushed herself into a sitting position so she could see Kendall's eyes. "He stood by my side every single day until my surgery. How could you honestly say that he doesn't care? Kendall, he would never turn me away. He even let me stay with him when I was looking for a new apartment. He was there…every single day."

"How can you prove it?" Kendall inquired, hesitating only briefly.

"I can't." Katie whispered quietly. "But I know that even if the world was falling down, I'd still fight for him. I'd stand by his side one hundred percent of the time, because he'd do it for me. And you know what, Kendall? He'd do it for you, too!"

Kendall smiled softly and pats her head. "I know little sister. I just wanted to make sure you loved him for the right reasons." He frowned again. "I'm sorry about the baby."

"I was five weeks when I lost her."

"Her?" Kendall inquired.

"I'm pretty confident it was a girl. I even have a name for her. I just told James about it…he didn't know. He was more devastated than I was…he sat in silence for an hour, then just started to cry and repeat that he was a horrible person over and over…" Katie quietly looked out the window. Logan and Carlos were outside her window with sticks, evidently jousting each other. She could only imagine what the doctors thought of their fellow intern. "He wanted it as much as I did."

"James told me. He said he felt horrible for putting you through that pain. Not only did you know you had cancer at the time, but you lost a baby. And he knew how much that meant to you. Katie, he loves you very much. Don't let go of that for anything. James may not show it very well, but he'd do anything for you. I mean, he socked his dad in the face for you." Kendall snickered. "You can't argue with that."

"You mean he _did _go? He told me he didn't!" She huffed and folded her arms. "Let me guess, he took you because he felt it would be easier?"

"No, he took me because I wanted to go after his dad for all the things he did to James growing up. You probably don't remember a time when he came to school covered in bruises." Kendall commented, leaning forward. "I'm only saying this. We spent the night at the bar three days ago; he told me all about everything that happened to you. He already knew about the baby before you told him. He knew because he'd seen the test. He didn't know you lost it…he went out and got you something."

"He…" Katie began to cry. "He's such a good person. Why can't anyone else see that?"

"I don't know, Katie, but you need to get some sleep. You're going to need it to deal with James later." He smiled and pats her hand. "You're going to be a great mother one day."

* * *

James never did show up the next few days she was recovering. He wasn't even there when she went to her apartment later. She pushed the door open hesitantly, waiting for someone to jump out at her in a surprise, but no one was there. When she opened the door and stared at the table, her breath caught.

Sitting in the middle of the table was a pink teddy bear, a note attached to the neck written in James' sloppy scrawl. She plucked the note from the neck and read it, tears running from her eyes.

_Katie Baby,_

_I've done a lot of bad things to you. I wasn't there when you needed me most. I ran way when you needed me. I even got myself kicked out of your room. I promised I'd be there when you woke up, and I wasn't there. I promise from today forward, I'll be there no matter what. And I'll show you I can be the man you want to marry. I'll be the boy you fell in love with ten years ago. And the next girl I'll ever love is our daughter, I promise you that. This is for little Landon Ruth Diamond._

_I love you,_

_James Diamond_

Katie stared at the note for a long time, covering her mouth with her hand, tears spilling. She put the note on the table and fell to her knees on the floor, breathing through the tears, only to cry more. He'd found the note. He'd found the note with her list. She scrambled through the notes on the table until she found the one she wanted.

_Step One: Call mom and Kendall  
Step Two: Tell James I love him  
Step Three: Tell James about Landon Ruth  
Step Four: Start treatments  
Step Five: Tell Kendall the show must go on  
Step Six: Remind myself that life is still worth the fight  
Step Seven: Give over ownership of the company to James' sister, Jade  
Step Eight: Thank every single person whom helped me  
Step Nine: Visit my father's grave to remind him what he left behind  
Step Ten: Write letters to all the 'family'_

She noticed something scrawled on the back of the paper in dark blue ink, it had bled through slightly onto her side. She stared at the page for a moment until it hit her. It was James' handwriting.

_Step One: Make Katie my wife  
Step Two: Tell her I love her  
Step Three: Burn all the old photographs of other girls  
Step Four: Remind Katie that our child isn't dead  
Step Five: Remind her that it isn't her fault  
Step Six: Stay with her, no matter what  
Step Seven: Don't leave anything or anyone behind  
Step Eight: Continue to follow my dream, with Katie by my side  
Step Nine: Remind myself that life doesn't end with Katie  
Step Ten: Write a letter for Landon…_

Katie looked up when she heard the footsteps coming up through the hallway. James paused in the doorway and looked at the woman on the floor, finding it hard to breathe through her tears. He set the box he was carrying on the table and knelt beside her, bringing his soon-to-be-wife into his arms. "Why are you crying, Katie Baby?"

"Why didn't you tell me you get it?" She inquired, burying her head against his shoulder, her fists against his chest. "Why didn't you tell me you knew all along?"

"And ruin the surprise? Are you crazy?" He smiled and pulled away, kissing her head. "Katie, I've been taking some notes from Jo, she talked me through how to be more romantic than I am…you know, what you've been expecting from me." He brushed her hair back and leaned closer to her, whispering softly in her ear. "Now that you've got the green light from the doctor, want to try and keep Landon's memory alive?"

"I don't know, James. I can't handle another miscarriage. It would just…it would be terrible. Knowing I had it all and lost it in that instant…" She looked away, wiping her tears away.

"Logan explained to me that the reason I was so hesitant about telling you I loved you was because I was afraid of losing everything again. You can't fear life. If you fear what life can do for you, you'll never move forward." He put his thumb and index finger under her chin and tilted her face towards him. "I'll be there by your side for every step, every tear, every laugh, every hug, everything. Katie, please let me be there for you."

She laughed slightly, brown eyes dancing. "I won't hesitate anymore. Not when you put it like that. I'd do anything for you, James Diamond."

"Good, now let's go on a date. I didn't bring champagne and a wedding license for nothing." James smirked, pulling her to her feet. "We can just do a little ceremony now; we'll do a nice big ceremony later down the road, when you're ready to be public about it."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." She laughed again, throwing her arms around his neck. "I love you so much, James Diamond."

"You have no idea, Katherine Knight."

* * *

This is kind of rushed. I wanted to skip the wedding because I have another idea in mind. Also, there's a few more chapters after this. One or two at least. I'm not really done yet. =) Expect to see a lot of OC in the next few chapters. Umm...there's one more update after this for this week. Kind of my reward to you guys for breaking my promise previously.

Although, since I'm kind of having a bad week, any chance I can get 5 reviews on this chapter? =)


	7. Hanging By A Moment

**Hanging by a Moment**

_"I'm falling even more in love with you."_

Katie's head rested against the headboard, her hair tousled every which way. She watched James lazily as he got ready for an interview at an office. She rolled onto her side, taking several deep breaths, before she forced herself to her feet. "James, are you sure you're ready for an interview? Isn't it really soon? You just went on break from the band for a few years…"

"I know, and I hate doing this, but if Logan is going to be a doctor, then I'm going to work in an office." James smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Dearest husband of mine, what exactly will you be doing at this office?" Katie inquired.

"Beautiful wife of mine, I intend on being a records keeper. You don't want to be in this apartment forever, right? Well, it's time one of us starts earning money, and until you're good to go to work again, it's going to be me." He took her by the shoulders and walked her to the bed, gently forcing her to sit down. "You need rest."

"I'll be fine, it's just the medicine." Katie whispered, watching him move about the room fluidly. "James, please listen to me. It's the medicine I have to take; it makes me sick all the time. Stop worrying about me and let me work."

He shushed her and smiled. "You need to make an appointment. Until I know for sure that you didn't relapse, you're not allowed to work. Got it?"

"Fine, I'll make an appointment, I'll get checked out, and you can stop freaking out, alright? I want to get back on my feet, the company needs me." Katie hissed quietly.

"My sister is doing a _fine _job running your company. Calm down and take over when you're ready. Stop forcing yourself to get better, you can't rush results." He sat beside her and smiled, touching the back of her head. "Katie, you need to get used to living at home anyway. One day you'll be a mother."

"When?" Katie demanded her voice harsh. "Before or after the ten miscarriages in the last year alone?"

"It takes time to make a miracle. I have faith in you, Katie. You'll do it." He kissed her forehead. "Right now, it's probably the treatments making it difficult for you to conceive, but you will."

"I want a baby, James." Katie whispered on the verge of tears.

"You want Landon." He commented. "Landon is gone, and I'm sorry you had to go through that…I'm sorry I put you through it ten times. But Katie, fate doesn't want you to have a child right now. When the time is right, you'll know."

She kissed his forehead and handed him his keys from the bedside table. "Come home safe."

"I will." He smiled at her and left, wondering if it was a good idea to leave her as sick as she was.

* * *

"Doctor Harvard? Hi. It's Katie Knight, remember me? I need to make an appointment for later today if you have any openings. I've been sick and I'm afraid my cancer has relapsed." She looked at her shoes, toes pointed towards each other, as she waited for them to answer. When he finally did, she smiled wide. "Two? That works for me."

Until then, she'd deal with tidying up the house and looking around for something to wear.

One fifteen rolled around and she had finally decided on wearing a black shirt with one of James' hoodies over top, and a pair of old jeans. She grabbed her keys from the hook by the door and looked back into the room, fear overwhelming her body. She didn't want to think about what would happen if she was sick again. How could she tell James?

Flipping open her cell phone, she called James and waited.

"Katie? Is something wrong?" James asked, panic lacing his voice.

"I just got off the phone with my Oncologist, he's afraid I relapsed. He scheduled me an appointment for later today." Her hands trembled as she spoke. "I'm scared. Where are you?"

"I won't be home until late tonight. Katie, will you be okay?" The pain made his voice deeper. He didn't want to go through this again. Not with the woman he loved. The risks were much higher this time. "Say the word, I'll drop the interview and come right to your side."

She took a deep breath and smiled to herself. "No. I'm strong. I handled it on my own the first time, I'm sure I'll be fine this time."

"Except, you're not on your own." James whispered, his voice trembling. She could tell he was fighting tears from the thought. "You've got me this time. I won't let you go. Not without one hell of a fight."

She nodded, realizing he wasn't there to see her, and frowned. "I promise you're the first person I'll call, James. I swear. I don't want to be alone tonight."

"You won't be. I'll be home by nine. My interview got pushed to six, but I swear I'll be home by nine." He commented.

Katie climbed into her car and started the engine. "I love you, dear husband."

He laughed. "I love you too, dear wife."

* * *

James sat in a chair, reading and rereading his questions, hoping for a reprieve. Maybe one of the other men in line would get sick and go home. He needed this job. If Katie did have cancer again, there was no way he'd be able to afford her treatments. Not to mention the insurance would most likely drop her for a pre-existing condition. He closed his eyes, trying to fight off all of the thoughts crossing his mind.

The man next to him leaned over slightly. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah, it's just…my wife is really sick." He looked over at the person next to him. It was the first time he'd noticed that it wasn't a man, but a teenager next to him. He looked to James quietly, blue eyes clashing with brown. "She just got over cancer, her doctor is afraid she's sick again."

"Man that sucks. I hope she gets better." The boy commented, offering his hand. "I'm Alex. Hope you keep your story straight, they love sob stories. Mine is that my sister got hit by a car and I need the money to pay for her surgery."

"Sob story?" James didn't shake the boy's hand. "No, my wife really is sick."

"And my sister really was hit. It's always best to believe your story." Alex noted. "Man, you've done this before, huh?"

James turned away, watching people pass through the hall. An older, graying man came out and looked to the six remaining people in the hall. "Alex Carver, come with me, please." The man nodded to Alex and went back down the hall.

James sat in silence, praying Katie wasn't sick again.

* * *

Katie sat uncomfortably on the table, her brown eyes blinking rapidly to fight tears. Every time she took a breath, it was harder to keep from being sick. She hopped down and ran to the corner, throwing up into the trashcan. This was exactly how it started for her. She shook, all the time, and no matter what she couldn't keep anything down. Tears began to prick her eyes. "Not again…please, not again."

Doctor Harvard walked in several minutes later, frowning when he saw Katie crying. "Katherine?"

"I'm sorry. I got sick. I didn't mean to do it." She looked at him with a frown.

"It's alright; I expect it by now dealing with illnesses. What exactly are your symptoms?" He sat on the chair across from her, spinning to face her with his clipboard in hand.

"I can't stop shaking, I've been throwing up constantly, and I've been unable to eat anything since Tuesday. I haven't had a period since I started taking my medicine a year ago, and I didn't mention it last time because I figured it was a symptom." She folded her hands in her lap, trying to fight the trembling and nausea. "I don't want to be sick again."

"Are you prepared for a hysterectomy, Katherine?" Doctor Harvard inquired. "It isn't uncommon to relapse so soon after surgery, but I was positive we got all the infected organs removed."

"I would welcome a hysterectomy at this point. After ten miscarriages, anything is welcomed." Katie quietly whispered, watching him write on his clipboard.

"Where is your husband?" He'd only met him once.

"At an interview…" She smiled softly.

The doctor nodded and smiled. "I hope he gets the job. It might get you guys to stop thinking about having a baby."

Katie looked defeated. "I still want one."

"If you are cancerous, Katherine, it would be incredibly dangerous for your health to continue trying to conceive. I'm sure your husband would agree." He spun to face his desk, scribbling on the notebook again. "We're going to send you down for an x-ray."

She stood from her place and looked at the doctor again. Instead of saying anything, she wandered down the hall, remembering all of the places she was. She'd been through this before so many times, it seemed like second nature to her. Looking up at the sign that said _Radiology_, her breathing sped up and she began to tremble again, fear clenching her heart.

She received a text moments before she could even put her hand on the doorknob.

_You'll be okay, Katie. I love you._

For some reason his words were enough to give her the confidence to enter the room. She jumped onto the table and lay back, closing her eyes as the radiologist did her job. "Katie, you're back here? I was sure you were cured the last time."

"I'm as shocked as you are, Jane." She stared at the other woman for a long time. "I'm also sure I'll be seeing you again."

Ten minutes later, Katie was sitting in the waiting room, counting tiles on the ceiling. She was up to fifty-seven when Doctor Harvard came down the hall, holding her x-ray results. He turned to Katie. "Come with me."

Katie nodded and hesitantly followed him to the radiology room, where he lit up her results. He ran his finger along a large mass in her uterus. "I'll need to send you for an ultrasound. It looks benign."

Katie's voice cracked. "No. Not again. Not again! I won't go through this by myself!"

"You're not alone; you've got your husband. That's more than you had last year." The doctor looked away for a moment. "Katherine, we need to start talking about treatment options. I don't want this getting out of hand. We caught it in time last time, but this time you may not be so lucky."

She sucked in a deep breath and stood straight. "When can I get the ultrasound?"

He looked at his watch. "Iris has an opening in her schedule at eight, is that alright?"

Katie looked away, thinking about what James had said. "Eight…that's fine."

* * *

Katie texted James but he wasn't home yet. She sat in the living room and waited, since he wasn't answering any of her texts. She laid her head back against the couch, holding the pink teddy bear close, trying not to cry. She didn't know how to tell James what she had to tell him. The words just wouldn't come to her. Instead, she sat on the couch, taking as many deep breaths as possible.

James froze in the doorway, watching his wife biting on her nails, holding the teddy. Her eyes were dark with tears, puffy from crying. That wasn't a good sign. "Katie?"

She hadn't heard him come in. He had startled her. "James!"

"Katie, I have some news for you." He smiled weakly, but she didn't smile back.

Katie nodded, the frown still crossing her features. "I have some news for you, too." She paused and took a deep breath. "You first."

He sat beside her, taking her hands into his. "I got the job. I can afford your treatments. Katie, I'll take care of you, you aren't alone. I love you, we'll get through this."

"James, stop." She placed her hand over his. "I'm glad you got the job. Don't let me ever tell you otherwise. I'm actually excited for you." She looked away.

"The news wasn't good…its terminal, isn't it?" James' brain began to panic, negative thoughts crossing his mind, thoughts he knew he shouldn't be thinking. Things he didn't want to think of.

"I'm pregnant."

Her whispered words barely registered in his mind. He was too caught up thinking of the negative. It took him several minutes to speak. "Pregnant?"

"You heard me."

"How far?" He asked, scooting closer, bringing her small body into his arms. "Katie, how far?" He demanded, knowing if it was in the first trimester, she wouldn't carry full term.

"Four and a half months." Katie looked up at him. "Eighteen weeks, to be more exact."

James looked at his wife, mind wandering to slightly more positive things. "Katie, why are you upset?"

"Because I never thought this would happen for me. The doctor told me to stop trying, because it would be dangerous to my health. James, this is real. It's really happening. We're having a baby girl." She placed a hand on her stomach, James placed his over top. "Landon Ruth."

"Landon Ruth." He kissed her neck. "Are you out of the dark?"

"He said that she's growing healthy, and that I'm healthy, and both of us are fine. Can you believe she's six ounces, and I've gained fifteen pounds?"

"I hadn't noticed," James dropped to his knees in front of her, both hands on either side of her abdomen, kissing her bellybutton. "Katie, she's going to make it. The force is strong with this one."

"You know what James? I think you're right this time. And I'll be extra careful." She tugged his hand so he was sitting next to her again. "My first prenatal appointment is Tuesday…are you coming with?"

"I start working in a week…so yeah, I can do that." He brushed a hand through her hair. "I love you, beautiful wife." He touched her stomach. "And I love you, little Landon."

* * *

AN: I loved writing this chapter. I have another one after this finished. Five reviews and I'll post the next one. =)


	8. She's My Kind of Crazy

Katie brushed her hair back, leaning up against the door as her husband spoke to his employer. She had her hand resting softly on her abdomen, her other resting on James' shoulder. He reached up to touch her hand, holding it tightly. He nodded a few times, then hung up and looked up to Katie. "He said I did a great job with the Jackson account, and he wants to give me a promotion." James whispered, still shocked. "He said that it would be thirty dollars an hour…and all I have to do is be his assistant."

Katie put a hand to her mouth and looked down at her husband, her brown eyes shining. "It's only been three months, how did you manage to get promoted twice?"

"He said he likes how I'm able to convince people to come to his company. He's going to give me another task to get Sharpnack to join them. If I can get her to join the company, he'll promote me again." James was still in shock, his words trailed off. "How are you feeling, princess?"

She kissed his forehead. "I'm feeling better, but I'll be honest, I could do without the extra weight." She smiled as he moved his hands down to her stomach. "She's awfully active today, have you noticed? She kicked me every time you said something she agreed with. Unless she disagreed. She stopped moving a little while ago, but I think that was to savor the conversation, and realize that you were not, indeed, fired like we thought."

"Now you're thinking collectively as a whole? That's a little bothersome to me, Katie." He checked his watch quickly, turning to her for a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm going to miss my meeting with Jones and McCarthy if I don't head out soon."

"Meeting?" Katie inquired.

"I promised I'd have lunch with them. It's a rival company, but Mr. Blaggard wants to try and merge with them. I'm wondering if I can convince them to do so." He kissed her lips and smiled. "Will you be here when I come home?"

"That depends, when do you plan on coming home?" Katie inquired carefully.

"No later than eight, but I'm not entirely sure. Are you sure you're okay to fly tomorrow?" James asked again, changing the topic quickly.

"My doctor gave me the okay last night. We should be fine. Are you sure you want to do this?" Katie asked, sitting in the chair beside her husband. She's learned not to lean on the desk. She'd done that once and the leg gave out, even though she wasn't much bigger than her usual size. That embarrassment wasn't worth it again. "It's only a two hour flight, so I should be okay until we get there."

He pressed his hand to her stomach, frowning. "But will she be okay?"

Katie blinked and smiled. "Mom is going to call ahead and make sure my aunt Linda meets us there. She's a midwife, so if anything does go wrong, it will be under control." Her smile was soft and endearing. "Another month and two weeks and we'll be parents."

"We're already parents," James smiled, kissing her forehead. "She's already so tiny."

"I know," Katie commented, brushing a hand through his hair. "I can't wait to see Jade again."

"She's living in California now." James answered, untangling her hand from his hair. "But she decided to go back to dad…"

"You don't have to see your dad," Katie whispered, sensing the pain in his voice. "James, your dad is old news. Don't worry about him. He's gone from your life now. Focus on your sister."

James nodded and gently let go of her hand. "I'm going to go to work now. Will you be okay by yourself?"

Katie nodded with a bright smile. "Kendall's coming over, so I'm going to spend some time with him, Jo, and Sasha."

"Alright, I'll see you around eight, love." James whispered, kissing her lips before darting out the door.

* * *

Katie sat at the kitchen table typing a memo to the company when she heard the door. She smiled, "come in, Kendall."

Kendall ran over to his sister and gave her a hug. Jo was the first to speak up. "How's the job hunt going? Anything good yet?"

"James has been working with a law firm. He's already getting 23 dollars an hour. And if he can land this new company, he gets a raise. I think. I wasn't really paying attention to be honest." She brushed her long auburn locks back and smiled at Kendall. "You need to call me more often."

"Sorry, little sister, we've been busy with Sasha, she's really a handful. Did you know she's teething already?" Kendall replied, taking a seat on the sofa in the living room.

Katie stood and held out her arms to hold the baby. Jo handed over Sasha reluctantly, wondering if Katie could handle it. Then she noticed absently that the baby's legs fit almost perfectly over Katie's hips.

"You've put on a little weight, Katie. Is that-" Jo kicked him and growled.

"I don't think—" Jo answered, looking Katie up and down carefully. "You didn't tell us you were pregnant."

"It was quite a surprise to us, too." Katie mumbled carelessly.

"You're pregnant! You've only been together for two years!" Kendall shouted, startling Sasha.

Katie rocked the child back to sleep and glared at her brother. "And you're a father?" She handed Sasha back to Jo and sat on the couch on the other side of Kendall. "I need to talk to you. You never answer your phone anymore."

"I've been busy. And half the time, I don't answer because Sasha's eating it." Kendall looked over at Jo, carefully choosing his next words. "So…when are you due? You're so…tiny."

Jo blinked, recovering from the shock. "You're what, four months?"

"Seven," Katie replied.

"Are you serious?" Jo shouted, and then quickly calmed herself. "Really?"

"No lie. Hand of God." Katie sat back down and started typing again. "I'm writing a memo to the company quick, and then I'll be right with you. Did you pick the movie this time, Jo?"

Jo nodded and held up the DVD. "Yeah, Sasha only likes Disney movies, so we're stuck with The Little Mermaid." She sat beside Katie and frowned. "Sorry I couldn't get a spy movie like you wanted."

"Does Sasha just need to see the colors, not hear the words?" Katie asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. Why?" Jo watched her hesitantly.

"We'll do what Kendall and I used to do when the cable was shut off."

Jo looked to Kendall and blinked several times. "What exactly would that be?"

"We'd mute the TV and make our own dialogue." Kendall replied, still recovering from the shock of the news about his sister. "Katie, are you feeling okay? You just got over cancer and all…isn't this dangerous?"

"I'm fine. My doctors have checked every miniscule detail. Nothing will happen. At least not while you're here." She frowned. "Besides, you're only babysitting me until James gets home. Then you can go home, and pretend you were never bothered by me."

"Hormones?" Kendall asked Jo.

"Yeah, definitely."

* * *

James stared at his notebook in front of him, Katie slept peacefully beside him. He began to scribble down random lines for a possible song. _Yeah and she's my kind of crazy…the little games she plays…_ He saw her move to get more comfortable and brushed her hair back softly for her. "Sleep well?"

Katie looked up at him and blinked a few times. "James, I think there's something wrong."

He looked over to her, panic crossing his normally soft brown eyes. "What do you mean? Katie, is it the baby?"

"She stopped moving." Katie pressed a hand gently to her swollen abdomen and waited for movement. Nothing happened. "James…"

"We're almost there, I promise." He checked his watch and quickly did the math. They'd be landing at noon, so he'd have to wait that long at least. Twenty more minutes of this, and he could tell she was growing more and more uncomfortable. "Katie, it will be okay."

"You said that last time…I lost the baby that time." She began to hyperventilate. "What if she dies, too? I just got used to her, James, she can't die! I won't let her!"

"Calm down, it'll be okay. Your aunt will be waiting at the airport, so we can have her check you over. I promise, nothing will happen. If I told you I had a connection to her, would you believe me, or think I was psychotic?" James asked quietly.

"I would probably think you were a little crazy, but if she was still alive, I guess I'd go with it."

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Suddenly they were landing and she was still uncomfortable. He waited until everyone else departed, then brushed his hand against Katie's back, carrying the three bags they brought. "Feeling any better?"

"Not particularly," Katie replied. "I still feel pressure, and I know I shouldn't."

"We'll talk to Linda as soon as possible." James stopped dead at the end of the terminal.

There he was, standing tall and looming. The man had long black hair, his dark brown eyes brooding. He'd been touched by age, his hair streaked with gray. Katie looked to James, worry becoming incredibly evident. James could stand up to any man in the world, but when it came to his dad…he'd shut down and become submissive.

"James! It's so good to see you again, son!" Travis went to hug James, but James didn't hug him back. He stared silent as his father tried to make amends.

Katie saw Jade standing in the back, wondering who the mastermind was behind this family reunion. Katie started to feel pretty miserable about Jade, why would she do something like this to her brother? She looked away, staring at the floor.

"Who's this pretty lady?" Travis grabbed Katie's hand and looked at the ring, admiring the simple stone set in a silver ring. "Is this your wife? Why didn't you tell me you were married?"

James reverted back to those years of abuse, resetting. He was always so strong with the guys, but his dad made him feel weak. Suddenly all of his scars and bruises started to hurt. Why did he assume he could come to Montana and never see his dad? "It…it slipped my mind."

"Well, it's in the past now. What's the beauty's name?" Travis asked.

Katie sensed the fear in James' posture. His father never liked her. She knew that because James kept getting suspended defending her. She remembered him spending weeks at her house, hiding from his dad. "Katherine," Katie replied. "Kathy for short."

"You remind me of that Katie girl that used to hang around. Whatever happened to her?" Travis inquired.

"She probably moved away from this town and made a name for herself. Who knows, maybe she's rich now? Or the head of a company or something?" Katie groaned a little, her hand shooting to her stomach and pressing softly.

"Are you okay?" Travis asked.

"I'm fine. Just really hungry." Katie replied, glaring over Travis' shoulder at Jade. Jade turned away, her green eyes afraid to meet Katie's. "We should get lunch."

"I know the perfect place! It used to be Landon's favorite place to go." Travis replied.

Katie barely caught his words, her fear more for James' sake than her own. "Used to be?"

"She died."

Katie paused and looked to James, sensing the severe hurt that his mother died and no one told him. She touched his hand gently. He smacked her hand away. She shoved her hands in her pockets and buttoned her jacket, which was actually James', and waited for Jade to catch up. "Can I ask why no one bothered to call James and tell him?"

"I did." Travis responded, looking over his shoulder at Jade. "He didn't answer. I guess he was at work or something and no one gave him the message."

Katie knew what day he was talking about. It was the day she was in the hospital because they thought she relapsed. It was the day they found out about the baby. Now she could really see the pain in James' eyes. He suddenly forgot about Katie's existence and buried himself into his own self pity. Jade stood beside him and touched his shoulder gently. He sharply pulled away.

"James, what's wrong?" Jade asked, stopping behind him. "Your wife asked you a question. Do you always ignore her when she asks you something?"

"No…sorry. Are you feeling better, Kat-" He corrected himself, barely in time to make it unnoticeable. "-thy? I know you hate flying."

"I'll be alright. We'll call Linda tonight after dinner and talk to her. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with your dad and sister." Katie didn't try to touch him. He didn't need her.

"Yeah…I think I can handle that. I'm just really jetlagged right now. I'm so tired." His father didn't know where he lived. The last he heard, they moved to New York.

Katie hated seeing him like this. He hadn't been like this since they were in school together. "Would you mind going to the diner? I know it's been a long time but…"

James shook his head. "No, it's fine. We can go. I need to talk to you alone for a minute, if you don't mind."

Katie nodded to his father and sister and dropped back a few feet. "What's wrong besides the obvious?"

"Is the baby okay?" James inquired; worry suddenly becoming the forefront of his thoughts. Katie nodded and he kissed her gently. "Don't tell dad. Please. I don't want him taking something else away from me. Please, Katie."

"I won't let him." She hugged him close, her eyes understanding. "I love you, and I love this baby, I'm not going to let your dad have her. I refuse. Not after what I went through to have her."

"Watch your back. Please. Promise me you'll be careful if you're alone with him." James whispered, holding her close. "I don't want you getting hurt."

"I'm not going to get hurt. We should catch up before he gets upset that we're not with him. I'll call Linda when we get to the hotel tonight." She brushed her hair back and smiled hesitantly at Travis. "We're coming."

* * *

James sat at the table, a beer in his hands. He took a deep sip and stared at his father across the table at him. The same eyes. How could he have looked at his father's face every day of his life and never notice? He put the bottle down, watching Katie converse with Jade. "Where's she buried?"

"Who?" Travis asked.

"Who? You forgot about mom already?" James hissed bitterly. "She was your high school love. You can't tell me you forgot her just like that because someone prettier came along. Where is she buried?"

"Pike Cemetery." Travis replied, taking a sip of his whiskey. "She wanted to see you. I tried to call you, but you weren't answering. I don't know if it was my phone or your connection…she had gone to meet Jade at the airport and got into an accident. It's only been three months. Jade asked if we should have pulled the plug, but I figured we should have because she was in a coma…"

"…an accident?" James asked, voice cracking. "What happened?"

Travis put his glass down and leaned back. "She couldn't see the light because of the truck in front of her, so she went when he did. It turned red as she was under it…she got hit by an oncoming bus. The impact threw her from the car. You know how mom was about wearing her seatbelt."

James didn't notice it before, but Travis was crying, not audibly, but visibly. "If I had gone with, maybe she would have still been here today."

"I doubt it." James couldn't shake the thought that he probably would have rather it be his dad who got hit. He folded his arms and leaned back. "Why do you keep staring at my wife like that?"

"She looks familiar," He answered, tapping his lip. "I'm not sure why, but she looks like someone I remember. Jennifer! She looks like Jennifer."

"Kendall's mom?" James asked, downing the last of his beer. "You remember her?"

"She took you away from me." Travis raised his voice slightly.

"You _abused_ me!" James shouted.

"I didn't abuse you! You never listened!" Travis shouted back.

"I a_lways _listened! You just needed someone to take out your frustrations because you lost mom!" James slammed his hand on the table.

"She left because you told her you didn't love her anymore! You got married six years after she left you! You burned that bridge!" James saw his dad move slightly, he flinched, knowing instinctively what was about to happen. He could try to hide it all he wants, but James knew his father's anger. Travis reared back and socked James in the jaw, splitting his lip.

James sat, stunned, his lip bleeding onto the table where he'd bit it. He didn't speak, even when his mouth filled with blood from the tip of his tongue that he'd bit. There were no words coming to him. He had thought he could handle his father's temper now that he was older, but his father's temper had grown with him.

"You always were pretty stupid." Travis growled. "I tried to be your friend, as per Jade's request. That bitch took you away because her husband died and she wanted another boy. She took you away because her brat kid called you his 'brother'. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she adopted you! You would do that to spite me."

James spit blood into a glass on the table and glared at his father. "I never changed my last name. I could have. I wanted to. I never changed my name, because you're still my father, no matter how much of a weak father you are."

"You stupid son of a bitch!"

"You loved her! How could you call the woman you loved a bitch!" James argued, standing to his feet when his father did. "She followed you _blindly_, even when you shoved her down the steps! She told me about you. You never wanted me. You tried to get her to abort me, but she wouldn't do it. So what did you do? You did the next best thing. You tried to make her miscarry! You never wanted a child. _Never_. So why do you lie to Jade and make her believe that this little fallacy you live in is a _family_?"

Travis grabbed James by his shirt and pushed him against the wall, pointing a finger accusingly. "Let me tell you something, _James_, I raised you. I gave you my blood. I took care of you."

"You traded me for drugs and threw me into the basement when I didn't fit your needs. You burned my legs for Christ's sake! Seventeen trips to the emergency room and they _finally _gave me to a home that could take care of me! A family that _wanted _me!"

He shoved James against the wall, growling as he got close. "I treated you like a child."

"You treated me like a stray dog!" James growled his voice cracking. "You treated me like some puppy that couldn't be house trained! You only kept me around in hopes mom would come back! She's not coming back, Travis. She's _never _coming back!"

Travis raised his fist to hit James again. James closed his eyes and waited, braced for the impact. When he didn't feel the hit connect, he opened his eyes and saw Jade standing over Katie. Katie lay on the floor, her knees pressed to her chest in pain. His father stood stunned, watching her writhing on the floor. James shoved his father away from him and knelt beside his wife, rapidly dialing for an ambulance. "Katie, I'm okay. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. Please don't leave me."

"James, it hurts. It hurts. I don't think she could take the hit like her mommy can." Katie tried to laugh but cried instead.

"You're wrong. She's strong. She's tough like her mommy. She'll be okay. Katie, I know she will. Remember how I said I had a connection to her? She'll be okay." He didn't know what he was saying; he just wanted his wife to be alright. He heard footsteps beside him, and then vaguely noticed a figure kneeling beside him.

"You're Jennifer's daughter?" Travis asked merely above a whisper. James reeled on him, throwing his father into a wall in a fit of rage.

"I swear to God, if she dies, I'm going to murder you. I'll have nothing left to lose, and it would feel _so good_ to finally be rid of you." James blazed, his temper growing with each gasped breath Katie took. "I'll kill you. I lost her twice. I'm not losing her again."

* * *

James sat in the emergency room, trembling. Katie was taken into maternity but he didn't go with. He promised not to leave her side, he didn't want to, but he didn't want to hear that their baby didn't make it. He didn't want Katie to suffer through that again. His father sat across the hall, an officer sitting beside him, cuffs firmly in place. James didn't feel slightly sorry for him.

The doctor came out four hours later, his sleeves bloody. James remembered this scene. This was the scene where the doctor told him that they both died. The man stopped and looked between the three men. "Mr. Diamond?" James and his father both stood to their feet. "Which of you is the husband?"

James stayed standing and took one single step forward. "Did…did Katie…did she make it?" James stammered, trying to breathe. "Please…"

"Come with me, if you don't mind."

James followed him through several hallways until they stopped in front of the nursery. The man brought James through the nursery and into a separate ward, NICU – Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and stopped between two different plastic boxes with infants in them. Both were tiny and looked like they were raisins. Both had tubes connected to them. On the left, with a blue band, was "baby A". On the right, with a pink band, was "baby B". James shook his head. "What does this have to do with me?"

The doctor pointed to the child on the left. "This is your son." Then he pointed to the right. "This is your daughter."

James began to worry even more. Why didn't he tell him if Katie was okay? Panic moved to the front again. "But…my wife…"

"She's in surgery. They're finishing up now. She'll be fine." The doctor looked somberly to James again. "She wasn't in the ninth month yet."

"What does that mean?" James hissed, his anger growing harder to control. "Will she make it or not!"

"She will." He looked to James again, shaking his head. "Your children are at least a month premature. I can't ballpark how far she was in her prenatal chart, so I can't tell you the chances of survival for them."

James began to grow impatient. "Thirty-six weeks!" He began to rattle off Katie's entire medical file. "One-hundred-forty pounds, five feet two inches, allergic to Demerol and Pertussis, has a family history of diabetes, treated for cancer a year and a half ago…cured, tentatively. Please tell me if they're going to make it!"

"Thirty-six weeks isn't exactly an indicator if they will or won't. You'll know if they survive the night. If they survive the night, there's a good chance they'll make it. Preemies don't have a high survival ratio."

James took a step forward, looking like he'd been hit by a bus. "Can I hold one of them? The girl. I want to hold the girl."

The doctor nodded and made James change into scrubs and surgical gear before passing the infant over to him. James held out his arms, holding the child as if it were glass. "I know what to name her. Can I name her?"

The doctor nodded. "You'll have to follow Nurse Judy to the office; she'll get the paperwork for you. Would you like to see your wife first?"

James nodded and gave the child back to the nurse in charge, changing quickly, and chasing after the doctor. The older man stopped in front of a door, tapping gently. "Mrs. Diamond? You've got a visitor."

James sat on the edge of the bed gingerly, brushing her hair back. She was sweaty and pale, most likely fatigued. "How do you feel?"

"Like I was hit by a train," Katie replied. "He said that the hit was enough to cause premature labor. Where is she?" Katie's voice began to tremble. "Where's Landon?"

James' eyes shot to Katie's. "Landon? Mom was here?"

"No! My baby!"

"You…want to name her Landon?" James whispered, wiping his tears away.

"Yes. I wanted to name her after your mother." Katie whispered, weakly reaching up to touch his cheek. "You saw her. Tell me she's alive."

"She's alive. For the most part. Struggling, but she might make it. If she makes it through the night, she'll survive. Right now, those first few hours are crucial." He touched her hands. "Did you deliver naturally?"

Katie nodded, dropping her head onto the pillow. "Yes, but after she was out, I passed out, they made me go into surgery."

"Katie, you don't know what happened?" James asked, hesitantly wondering if he should tell her. She shook her head no, and he looked at her pale brown eyes. "We've got twins."

"Two girls?" Katie shouted enthusiastically. "I can't handle two girls!"

"No, dummy. A girl and a boy." James took out his cell phone and showed her the images he took in the nursery. "The doctor says that they're premature, but at 37 weeks they're considered to be fully developed. That last week can make or break it."

Katie lay back against the pillows and closed her eyes. "What's going to happen to your dad?"

"I'm not entirely sure," James replied. "Both of us were drunk and disorderly."

"Don't have him arrested. I think he just wants to be part of your life." Katie closed her eyes and yawned. "I had to go through most of my life without my father…don't give up on that because you guys are too stupid to get over this grudge." She put a finger to James' lip before he could speak. "Nothing changes a family like grandchildren."

"He's about twenty years too late for that." James announced, closing his eyes and kissing his wife's forehead. "I'm not leaving your side. I'm going to stay in this room until we get news of the twins."

"Twins," Katie whispered. "It's so surreal."

"Landon Ruth," James whispered. "My mother's name and your grandmother's name."

"Isaac Caleb," Katie replied. "Two names I love." She smiled and kissed him. "I love you, James Diamond."

* * *

James got kicked out of Katie's room around four, where the nurse found him curled rather uncomfortably into a chair beside her bed. He had instead curled into a chair outside the NICU, where he could look up every so often to check on the status of the twins. It was nearing ten AM when he heard someone fall into the seat beside him. "I hate you, you know that." James angrily whispered.

"If they don't make it, I'm going to be terribly sorry. You didn't tell me you were a father." Travis murmured quietly. "Had I known, I wouldn't have hurt you. Being a father is a good step towards maturity."

"I hate you."

"Yeah, and you've got every right to. Were your mother still alive, you wouldn't be sitting here right now." Travis whispered. "How is Katie?"

"She's holding up. Better than to be expected, I suppose, considering she just gave birth ten hours ago." James commented, turning to look at his father. "You owe her more than an apology. You owe her your life. You owe her everything you have, because she talked me into not taking you to court, having you arrested, and changing my name. You'll be lucky if you ever meet your grandchildren."

"James, I don't blame you if you never want to talk to me again. She was an innocent bystander; she didn't need to be dragged into our battle." Travis didn't speak for some time, gathering his thoughts carefully. "She's a strong woman. She's always stood up for you. Hold onto that. Sometimes my temper gets the better of me…it's the same way with you. You'd do anything for her. She'd jump on a bullet for you. James, that woman is to you what your mother was to me."

"Why did you leave her? Why did you put her on the side of the road and drive away?"

"She told me to. She said she never wanted to see me again. James, she wanted to be with you. She wanted to raise you. I couldn't have that. You were my problem, my responsibility. She didn't want a baby but I did. I never hated you. I Just…couldn't raise you alone." He crossed his arms. "You can't forgive a lifetime of abuse. All you can do is change your ways to be better. I want you to be happy. Even if it means I never get to meet the baby."

"Babie_s_." James corrected. "Twins."

"She was so tiny!" Travis whispered astonished.

"Dad…listen to me…Katie was lucky to get pregnant. Her medicine makes it almost impossible. She had to stop taking it. It's been causing her more pain than childbirth has."

"Medicine?" He inquired, looking to James carefully.

"She got over cancer a year ago. She's been taking medicine to keep it at bay. They said she's okay, but she doesn't trust it anymore. She dropped her medicine to have a baby…this was her dream, not mine." James corrected himself quickly. "It's been a fun ride. A strange ride. I miss being a teenager. Being carefree and quirky. I miss being that weird kid. But being a father is a goal I've always wanted. Not to mention…Katie. I love Katie. With more words than the English language can express. She's my life. The babies…they're my life now, too."

Travis touched James' shoulder.

James shoved him off. "Don't touch me. I'll break your hands if you do it again."

"May I speak to Katie?" Travis asked, carefully choosing his words. "I need to apologize to her for what I did to her."

"You can say sorry to her, but not your own son? That's a big man."

Jade came down the hall and looked between the two of them, her hands jammed into her denim jean jacket. "James, stop perpetuating violence. Grow the fuck up a little. He's trying to be the bigger man by making amends with your _wife _for causing her to almost _miscarry_. I think it's a little more drastic in her case."

James shook his head and pushed his hair back, watching the NICU nurses. "Go talk to her, but if she says anything negative about you, I'll murder you. I mean it." His phone began to jingle in his pocket and he held up a hand. "I need to take this. Do not. And I mean it. Do not hurt her."

Travis went into Katie's room, sitting on the chair across from the bed. Katie awoke a few minutes later, staring at what she thought to be her husband. "You look just like your son."

"As I'm sure your daughter will look just like you," Travis remarked, quietly observing her. "James had to go take a phone call; I'm going to watch you for a bit."

Katie sat up, pushing herself to sit with her elbows. "I've known your son since I was five years old. You know that, right? I'm not blind to you. I know what you did to him. I've seen all of him…including his scars. I don't know what happened to him that he won't tell me, but I'm pretty sure I can figure it out by the marks all over his body. Cigarette burns on the backs of his legs? I know all about it."

"I was a terrible parent," Travis whispered quietly, folding his hands together and bowing his head slightly. "I want him to forgive me. You're the voice of reason in this relationship. Maybe he'll listen to you?"

Katie shook her head. "You can't forgive twenty some years of abuse, Mr. Diamond. I wish I could make him forget, but it's impossible. When Isaac is old enough, I'm sure he'll feel the same way. Like he can't forgive anything he's done. But it's different, you know? James at least grew up with a father. I was never privy to that. But in the same respect, my mother loved me. She loved James as her own, as well. And if you knew what was best for him, as a father, you'd take a step back and let him go."

"I want to try again."

"He's not going to let you near the children. I don't blame him. I wouldn't, either. You broke his tooth, Mr. Diamond. That was just last night. You're lucky he didn't break you in half for what you did to me. I love my husband. I love him more than anything I can possibly come up with, and even that's not enough to express it. Our children mean more to me than anything in this world. I was told I couldn't have children. Do you want to know why?" Katie paused and waited.

"Why?"

"I had stage two ovarian cancer. I died on the operating table for three whole minutes. When I came back, your son was waiting there, on the floor of my room, with a stuffed elephant. He didn't move. He was too scared it was a dream." She closed her eyes. "I've miscarried eleven times since I was diagnosed cured of my cancer. If I had miscarried another time, I would have come after you. I wouldn't have stopped him from throwing you in front of a car." Katie bit her lip. "And what you said about my mother? You're a heartless coward. She saw a boy in a situation he didn't' need to be in. She raised him as her own because you couldn't. She did what you didn't have the guts to do. And because of her, he had a normal life…for as little as it lasted."

"Why didn't he tell me he was a father?" Travis asked.

"Because he was terrified you'd take the baby away from him. He didn't want to lose that. Having me wasn't enough. He wanted a reason to be better than you. In a way, you almost _did _take his baby away." Katie scoffed. "I may defend you, because I don't want him losing out over you…but don't expect me to be your friend and force him to forgive you."

* * *

Katie cradled their daughter close to her body and waved as the airplanes went by. She smiled down to Landon and kissed her forehead. The child was now two months old, which made her fully developed. She was sleeping while Katie watched her carefully. "James are you sure you remembered to get the jacket from the house?"

"I did." He watched his wife cradle their daughter and smiled absently. It was the life he'd always wanted, and now he had it. He shoved another box into the trunk and slammed the door. They'd stayed with Jade until the twins were old enough to travel, with James' father having visitation every weekend. He wasn't allowed to hold them, but he was allowed to see them, at the very least. Katie's rule was that he couldn't see them unless he was sober. James only agreed because Katie wanted them to know their grandfather.

James picked up Isaac from his car seat and held the child close, humming to him. His sister watched with a small smile. Things had gotten slightly better in the two months they were gone. In light of the situation, James' employer had given him a month or so off to take care of Katie, so they chose to stay until the children were safe to fly. James hummed, and then began to sing softly to the boy in his arms. "Izzy, Izzy, don't you cry, daddy's got you, little guy. Close your eyes, and go to sleep, while I'm here you've no reason to weep."

Katie smiled and leaned over his shoulder, watching Izzy napping. "Your dad said he's on his way to make sure that they get their birthday presents. And before we leave town, we're going to stop at my dad's gravesite, okay?"

James nodded and kissed Katie's cheek. "Yes, love."

Jade held out her arms to hold Landon. "So have you come up with a nickname for Landon yet?" She inquired, as Katie placed her infant in her arms. "I like Lanny."

"Lainy…possibly Lacy." Katie answered.

"Lacy?" James asked.

"Yeah, your dad kept calling her that. It just kind of…stuck." Katie watched like a hawk as long as someone else was holding the babies. She didn't trust anyone else but herself and James. She had a minor problem with James when he'd lay Izzy in his lap and play games, but the child seemed to be lulled to sleep by the sound of Mario music, which bothered Katie slightly.

Katie saw a car pull up out front of the house and paused slightly, wanting to take Landon from Jade's arms, but stopped herself because she promised to give Travis a chance to prove James wrong. Travis got out of the car and reached for a box in the back seat of the car. It was a shoebox; she couldn't tell what was in it. He had another box in his hand, this one the size of a milk crate.

"Katie, can you take Izzy?" Travis asked, looking to James.

Katie nodded and retrieved the infant from her husband and took a step back. Travis handed James the first shoe box and waited.

James opened it and stared, awestruck, at the contents. There were hundreds of photographs. All of them were of him and his mother. He stared at his father quietly. "I think you're old enough to have these. She would have wanted you to." Travis whispered.

James set it on the top of the car and took the other box, opening it up. Inside were all the pictures he drew and various art projects as a kid. Some were folded neatly, but otherwise in pristine condition. "I…don't understand."

"I kept every single one of the things you gave me. The wolf still sits on the headboard of my bed, where it watches over me at night." He looked to Katie, and then turned back to James. "I was a terrible father, I get that. But maybe one day I can prove you wrong. I may not be an integral part of the twins' life, but at least they can know me. Katie's right, you can't erase a lifetime of abuse. But you can rewrite it. I'd like to get to know you…the real you…so you can learn the truth."

James closed his eyes and stuffed the shoebox into the trunk, then handed him the other. "Keep these."

"You don't want to remember me?"

"They're yours. I made them for you." James gave his father a hug, and then closed his eyes. "We have to go if we want to get home by the time I start work again."

"Be careful on the drive," Travis remarked, kissing Katie's cheek and helping her into the car. Katie made sure both infants were firmly secured in the back seat before turning to wave out the window. "Call once in a while, huh?"

"I will," Katie laughed. "Promise."

As they pulled out of the driveway, Katie couldn't help but look at the pictures in the shoebox. She noticed a note at the bottom of the box, and pulled it out. "James…there's a note here…"

"Throw it away," James commented. "I don't want to read it."

* * *

**Author's Note: One more chapter to go…if I can ever get my brain to work again. Rushed really bad? Check. Insignificant plot points? Check.**


End file.
